Road To Valinor

It's Time For...Secret Cave...

2010-03-06T21:10:00.001-07:00

One of the things I like about being a dad is coming up with unique activities and bonds with my kids. It's like an inside-joke, it's something only we know about and do, and that makes it special. That may be a bit of a generalization or exaggeration, but at the least I'm hoping that we are building memories and strong bonds.

Before I describe the "Secret Cave" thing, a couple other examples of some of those "unique" things I like doing with my kids:

1. "Bonk" - Ever since Connor was little (pre-Cosette even) he and I will make eye-contact, then slowly move close and bonk our heads together. It's a form of a hug. I started doing it with Cosette too, but with her it's more dangerous cause she's a little wild and crazy.

2. Kisses - I like kissing my kids and do it often, despite the frequent complaints that it's too "slobbery". But once in a while the kiss is accompanied by one pop-quiz question: "What does a kiss mean?" And I'm happy to say that I have them trained to know and respond: "I love you." I see a two-fold significance in this: 1-They know that when I kiss them, I'm telling them that I love them; and 2-Hopefully, they will hold kissing as something special and meaningful, and will therefor wait to kiss later when they're dating.

3. "SURPRISE!" Almost every day when I come home from work, the kids hear my keys rattle at the door, and by the time I enter (or sometimes a little after) the kids jump out from the hallway and yell "SURPRISE!" It's like a family ritual of the kids welcoming me home. Me like.

4. Funny/Serious - This one I gotta give credit to Cosette...she's the master of switching moods/emotions at will in a split second. She and I will have a contest of switching from saying, "Funny" and laughing hysterically to saying "Serious" and making a very serious face. She's very good at it, and I have a hard time keeping a serious face because she cracks me up.

Ok...now about "Secret Cave"...

This is a newer one. One of the kids' favorite things with daddy is playing on the bed. We have tickle fights, light-saber battles, pretend to be toys in Andy's room, etc. Last week, while playing on the bed, the three of us ended up under the blanket where it was dark and "spooky", but we could still kind of see each other. It suddenly felt like a good campfire/ghost-story atmosphere, so using a semi-creepy, low voice (not wanting to scare them TOO much) I randomly said: "And nooowww...it's time for...Secret Cave Story Time..." *giggles of excitement from kids*

Uh-oh, I think...they're into this, gotta come up with something good. I don't remember what the story was I told, as I was ad-libbing something pretty random, but they loved it and wanted more "Secret Cave" when I finished. So then there was, "And nooww...it's time for Secret Cave Monster-sound contest." Then "Secret Cave blinking contest"..."Secret Cave coming up with silly names contest"....etc. Now every time we do Secret Cave, the three of us take turns coming up with the next Secret Cave activity/contest. I love the kids' creativity and silliness. It's a real challenge to keep thinking outside of the box with new ideas!

I'll close with Connor's Secret Cave idea that we did tonight. It was a Secret Cave activity that went on longer than most: fall-asleep-then-wake-up-and-tell-our-dreams. So we all pretend to be asleep for about 5 seconds, then wake up and share what dream we just "had". For your enjoyment, here is a brief list of not even 10% of the ones that were shared (it went on for a while, and I can't remember all of them):
1. I turned into an eyeball! (Cosette)
2. I grew huge and stomped on all the houses and condos in the neighborhood, then turned into a monster and smashed the PLANET!! (Connor)
3. I was a drum, and you kept hitting me on the head! (Me - because every time we "wake up" Connor is tapping me furiously "Wake up! Wake up!"
4. I was all hairy, and made of hair, and went "MYEAAHH" (Cosette)
5. I was a balloon and flew up into space! (Connor)
6. I was a rock that could talk and looked at you with eyes (Me - lame)

Man...that was only a little over an hour ago, and I can't remember any more. Take my word for it, the kids out-imagination'ed me! Fun times.

A Smashing Good Time

2010-02-20T19:50:00.002-07:00

I love smashing my own records. (Hence the title)

Running on a treadmill has been good for me as it helps me push myself to do just a little more than I think I can. I look at the time, and if it's at 19:00 I say, "I can push it to 20:00" or if I feel I've gone as long as I can, but I'm only 2/10 of a mile away from the 2 or 3 mile mark, I push it.

So between those ever-changing mini-goals, and the runner's high itself, somehow I manage to do things just a little different, just a little better each time. Today was a good day in that sense.

I know a few people have been following my progress, like how I went from running 1 mile without a walk break...then 2, etc.

Today, I had originally set my goals to: 1) run for at least 40 minutes without a break, and/or 2) run 3 miles in a row without a break.

*SMASH*
I was over 2 miles at 30 minutes, and as I approached the 40-minute mark, I was feelin' good and knew that I could make it to 3 miles. I hit 3 miles at 43:36 (another record for me), and I realized, "Hey...if I keep going, not only can I hit 4 miles, I can get it under an hour!" So I did. The last few minutes of that leg were pretty tough, but I had come so far, I didn't want to lose that goal.

So I reached 4 miles at 57:50...the entire time at my standard pace of 4.2 mph (cuz my favorite number is 42)...the whole time running without stopping for a walk break. I would have thought it would be a few more weeks before I could run for an hour at a time. Now I know that I can.

And 4 miles is the majority of the 6.2 miles (10k) of the Bolder Boulder race I'll be doing in May. Not only do I know that I'll be able to do it, I'm planning on trying to get into one of the "Running Waves". Those are the under-70-minute waves. I just need to go from a 14-minute mile to just under a 12-minute mile by then.

I'm mixing up my runs a little too, on advice from my trainer. I've got my "long distance" runs like I did today, and then once or twice a week, I do an "intensity" run where I go for high speeds (like 6 or 7 mph) for short durations, with rests in between.

Cosette

2010-02-13T10:23:00.002-07:00

Aaaagghhh!!! I can hardly stand her cuteness.

This morning I've spent a little time giving Cosette a golf lesson, and she was really cute trying to remember how to hold the club and getting all excited when she hits the ball right.

Then while coloring and watching iCarly, there was a scene where Carly kisses Freddie. (Yes, I know I'm admitting that I've watched quite a bit of iCarly...it's the kids fault.) But the Cute Cosette part is that she turns to me and makes the cutest face saying "That's boring. That kissing is boring." Hilarious.

But the piece-de-resistance is what she said last night...

She was talking in the car on the way home about a dream or something, that went kind of like this:

Cosette: "Jesus is sad."

Us: "Why"

Cosette: "Because his family is going to California"

Us: "And he's sad because he's alone and will miss them?"

Cosette: "Ya, but then they come back!"

Us: "Oh good, so then Jesus is happy again."

Cosette: "No, Jesus is crying"

Us: "Why?"

Cosette: "Because his children are lost."

Us: Stunned silence...I tear up a bit.

I know she doesn't realize the import of what that means, and she probably didn't mean it that way, but something about hearing your 3-year-old say that Jesus is sad because his children are lost...

Fitness Report

2010-02-06T21:09:00.003-07:00

I was just going to do a Facebook status update like I usually do, but wanted to go into a bit more detail.

I'm officially one week into my 24 Hour Fitness so far, and being analytical, I like looking at the raw data. You should see my spreadsheets...

So in the 7 days since I joined, I've gone in 5 days. I know that there can be a lot of enthusiasm early on that peters out over time, but I'm thinking that if I keep it up for 3 or 4 weeks it'll become habit/routine.

Friday I had my free/introductory session with a personal trainer. I kinda liked it. She had me working pretty hard, and I have a feeling that if I continue with her, I'll get good results soon. So I took the new member special where you get 3 1-hour sessions for $99 (regularly it's $60 per session).

Anyways, it seems like each time I've gone running, I try to do just a little bit better by going a little faster or a little farther.

New accomplishments for today: 2 miles in 29:46...and 3 miles in 46:47. That last mile took a bit longer, as it had more walk breaks and my phone fell and broke open and I had to rescue it.

By the way, in case I hadn't mentioned it, I plan on doing a 10k race at the end of May called the Bolder Boulder. (6.2 miles) So far, I'm on track for a 90 minute race time. I'd like to get under 70 minutes to get into a different "wave".

After the treadmill, I did a few reps of weights and crunches just for good measure. Then, hit the sauna.

Holy crap! How do people do the sauna?! I could only stand about 5 minutes of it. It got difficult/uncomfortable to breath, and I knew a few minutes more would've put me at risk of passing out. Maybe it was just because I had worked out for an hour, but even so...don't know if I'll try that again. I'll just still to the jacuzzi.

All in all, it felt good. I'll rest on Sunday, then try to get 3 miles again on Monday, then I meet with my personal trainer again on Tuesday. Looking forward to it!

Connor & Cosette

2010-01-26T19:57:00.001-07:00

I will fight to the death anyone who thinks there are children in the world more adorable/awesome than mine!
(Ok, maybe not to the death....we'll just have to agree to disagree...)

Here is some evidence that backs up my claim:

1. They've watched Toy Story (and Toy Story 2) a lot. No really, A LOT. So much so, that they take their respective Woody & Jessie dolls and re-enact the scenes...verbatim! It's hilarious!
2. Following the Toy Story theme, on Sunday while playing on the bed we started playing like they were toys like from the movie, and had to stop moving/talking whenever I looked at them. That was a load of fun, and I'm not sure if it was my idea or Connor's.

3. Which brings up another common activity. When daddy gets home from work, he is usually tired & hungry. When I unlock the door and enter, the sound of me at the door usually results in the kids quickly (sometimes not-so-quickly) "hiding" so they can jump out and yell surprise! And even though I usually make a bee-line for dinner, half the time I go into the bedroom to change out of work clothes and the kids end up coming in insisting we play on the bed. It's kind of a win-win: I get to lay on the bed and recover from work for a bit, and they get to use me as a jungle-gym. One of their favorites is operating the "Daddy-machine" where I lay face down, and they sit on my butt and operate my legs like levers driving a tractor or spaceship or whatever.

4. Tickle fights. 'Nuff said.

5. Whenever Connor gets upset about something and ends up on his bed crying, I can always come up with something silly/different to distract him and get him laughing/playing again.

6. Cosette's laugh makes me laugh and fills me with indescribable Joy. (tearing up now as I write that sentence)

7. It is hilarious and amazing to see their over-the-top reactions to mundane/normal things I don't think about. (Connor: "WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, THATS AWESOME!" - his reaction to many things)

8. Knock-knock jokes. The Connor/Cosette version. Usually something like this:
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Mr. Pootsy!
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (kids erupt in laughter)

9. Cosette is my angel; and my princess. I usually call her one or the other, and when I do, she reminds me of the other. ("Hi, my angel." "And I'm your princess!")

10. And my favorite: the unexpected, un-asked-for, random hugs and "I love yous".

Meet the Gang

2010-01-13T11:38:00.001-07:00

I've shared a few names and stories from my experiences with ministering to the homeless. One thing I've tried to do, from the very beginning, is to think of them not as "random anonymous people", but as people with a name, story, dignity, etc. So to that end, I've attempted to learn (and remember) their names as much as possible. Since my memory sucks, I started carrying a little notepad with me, to write down their names as I meet them. Ok, but what about matching names to faces? One technique has helped a lot with that, and has other benefits as well: praying for them. It's not been as frequent in the last couple of months, but especially those first few months, I prayed a lot over individual names, and would recall what they looked like, and what their story was (if they had shared it).

So, for those who are interested, I'd like to introduce you to some of the names, and ask you to pray along with me. This list may be a tad lengthy, so maybe just pick a couple of names so it's not overwhelming. (I've put down the dates when I met someone for the first time. The last few months, I've not met many new people, so there are fewer names).

9/11/09
Vaughn
DJ
Mike "Twisstidm"
John
Skye
Adrian
Mark
Backpack guy with radio
Matt - wheelchair

9/18/09
Bo
Scene
Zack
"Mouse" (with wife & 2 small kids)
Shane
Benjamin

9/25/09
Rashad
Dwayne
Tony
Sara
Josh
Lee (older guy I had long talk with)
Winn

10/2/09
Carl
Bishop
"Comfortably numb"
Ernest
T-ron
Sahara

10/23/09
Ramone
Ronnie White
Dave (from this post)

10/30/09
Aaron
Jim
Paul (the older guy stabbed several months ago)

11/4/09
Anthony
Billy
Chris

11/6/09
Marshall & Kallie (married)
Will

11/13/09
Merlin & Sharlene (engaged)
Roger (w/ dog Koda)

1/8/10
Kevin
Miss Kitty
(Wahsatch Camp)

Wow! There have been a couple times when I forgot my notepad, or didn't meet anyone new, but still, I hadn't added it up before. That's 45 people, and I know I'm missing some. I know many I will probably never see again, even those who I'd really like to know what's happened to them.

I'm looking forward to warmer weather, when there will be more people at the park again, and I can add to my list of friend! =)

Acacia Park - 2010

2010-01-08T22:52:00.002-07:00

Since it was my first visit in the new year, I felt it a good time to catch ya'll up on where I'm at with the Homeless ministry. (Sorry if this ends up long.)

I had hoped to be able to do something over the holidays, but between my parents staying with us and being a bit discouraged by a few Friday Failures (where I took food, but couldn't find anyone to give it to), I ended up not going on Christmas or New Year's days. I think part of me (perhaps slightly pridefully) wanted to say I had a perfect track record since I hadn't missed a day since I started in August, but now that the "streak" is broken, I can let that go.

Anywho...one of the other thoughts that was born out of taking food and not finding anyone, was the logistical quagmire I've been creating for myself of how much food to get, and how many different locations will I drive to in order to find someone to get it too, etc.

Then one day I went to Subway for lunch, and as I drove back to work there was a homeless guy sitting on the corner with a sign (that I couldn't read). That's when it hit me: gift cards! I found myself wishing I had a Subway gift card so I could roll down the window and hand it to him.

So, the next time I was at Subway, I bought several cards, and Wendy got some at the store too. Subway is kind of handy, because there's one right across the street from Acacia Park. But I'm thinking that other food/supply-type places might be good too. I still want to take down actual food, but will probably wait until warmer weather when it's more likely to find folks.

But as for tonight...there were a couple guys that I'm used to seeing, and have been developing relationship with. Anthony and Twisstidm (Ya, for the longest time, I assumed it was spelled "Twisted M", but whatever...)

It was kinda cool just standing there, hanging out and talking. They told me what went on over Christmas. Anthony and his friend moved to a different campsite. Twisstidm is hoping to perform soon at the Black Sheep on Platte. It's starting to feel like they aren't strangers that I'm helping out, but friends.

Funny story interjection: As we're standing there, some guy walks up and looks at Anthony, then Twisstidm, then me, and decides to ask ME: "You got any weed, man?" Without missing a beat, I pulled a Subway gift card out of my pocket. "No, but I can give you a sandwich." "Does it got any weed any it..heh heh..." "Well, you can ask them to put lettuce on it." And so on... I was a little naive at first, but I think I've witnessed a pretty fair number of drug deals go down. I'll never forget a couple months ago, when a guy walked up and asked for a dime. I start feeling in my pockets for change before it hits me...DOH!

Anyways, one of the more significant things I took away from tonight, was that I got Twisstidm's phone number (you might be surprised how many homeless people have cell phones). And no less than three different times, he asked that I "check up on him" this week. It seems important to him, so I want to make sure and follow through on that.

Last thing: When I left the 4-5 guys I was talking with, I had 2 gift cards left. As I started to drive away, I noticed an older homeless guy walking the opposite way. But for those of you who know downtown (especially on a busy Friday night), it isn't the quickest/easiest thing in the world to try and "turn around" with the one ways, etc. I really wanted to give him a Subway card, but I must have spent 15-20 minutes in a figure-eight pattern, expanding my search as I tracked where it looked like he was headed.

At one point, I saw another guy crossing the street and was able to give him a card, but I never could find the first man, and that vexed me a bit.

The spiritual application for me was two-fold:
1. I wanted to help the guy, but it was difficult and I failed. - Thank goodness God always knows where we are, what we need, and is able to give it to us every time!
2. Maybe a sense of the frustration and sadness I felt is similar to how God feels, in that he wants to help us, but WE make it difficult by trying to hide or do it on our own or rebel, etc.

At any rate, I somehow feel encouraged, and look forward to continuing this calling in 2010. I even found a group on Facebook called "Colorado Springs Tent Community Help" that looks like a good resource too.

It's really late and I'm really tired, so that's all.

Insert Pithy/Profound Title Here

2010-01-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

Ya, haven't blogged in a while, but it seems like most everyone else is doing the "Sorry I haven't blogged in a while" update, so I'll jump on the bandwagon.

But nothing deep/personal yet, just a movie-centric blog. (So at least Jeri will like it. ;)) I'll get back to life, ministry, etc. stuff later.

Ran across this "Most Anticipated Movies of 2010" entry in my reader feed, and am pretty excited about a number of them, so here are some thoughts...

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/42544176.html

(I don't know if it's just me, or if there's a load problem with the site, but not all of the movie photos/reviews loaded, so I'm only going to comment on the ones I could actually see/read.)

"Lightning Thief" - Jury's out. Saw a trailer that was mildly interesting, but worried it's gonna be to much geared toward the teeny-bopper/Twilight/Harry Potter crowd. Not me.

"Alice in Wonderland" - Obviously this is going to be visually fantastic and a must-see. Maybe I don't remember enough about the story, but I thought its focus was on Alice? This seems to really be pushing Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter - which certainly looks to be outstanding - I just thought it was a minor role.

"Clash of the Titans" - OMG YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!! I'm going a little gaga over this one. The 1981 classic has always been a favorite of mine. The re-make looks friggin' amazing. This is a 100% must-see-in-the-theater for me.

"Kick-Ass" - falls somewhere between "Could be kind of fun" and "Abysmal loser-failure" I'll probably wait for rental.

"Nightmare on Elm Street" - The original creeped me out pretty good as a kid. I'm not much of a horror/gore fan so this is a Pass.

"Iron Man 2" - Duh. Of course. Another must-see. Hope it doesn't hit any tragic sequel cliche speedbumps.

"Robin Hood" - another Yes for me. It looks to be a gritty, darker version of the well-known story. I like what the reviewer said, and I would add that it has potential to have the same effect that "Dark Knight" had on the Batman franchise. (Which is a good thing.)

"Shrek Forever After" - meh. I think they've used up any humor/novel ideas that were available and anything more will feel like a stretch. Maybe a rental if it's not a flop.

"Sex and the ...." never mind. I'm not going finish typing the title. And if you suggest this one, I will find the cutest, most adorable kitten I can find and step on its head in your name.

"Prince of Persia" - sweet game. Hope it can do better as a video game adaptation than most have fared.

"The A-Team" - one of my favorite 80's shows. Don't know if it's possible to succeed as a movie. For me the characters are pretty embedded as I remember them. Different actors will be hard for me to accept, but as a fan I feel obligated to give it a chance.

"The Karate Kid" - *groan* I highly doubt it. This one has the stink of flop on it already. Yes, we like Jackie Chan. But have you seen the trailer for "The Spy Next Door"? Makes me start to question Jackie's movie choices.

"Twilight..blah blah" - see "Sex and the..."

"The Last Airbender" - kind of a lame title. M Night Shyamalan has gotten weaker with each film. Sounds like a cheesy plot, but might be visually entertaining. Possibly a rental.

"Inception" - ???????? Obviously I want to trust the director (Dark Knight, Memento) but hard to get a read on something they won't tell us anything about.

"Salt" - mmmmmmm....Angelina Jolie. AJ + action flick = yes I'll see it. Plot/acting are irrelevant with this combo.

"Toy Story 3" - not quite as bad off as the Shrek franchise (yet), I'm worried they may try to re-hash too much. But this could be a good one to take the kids to see.

"Little Fockers" - high level of indifference.

"Expendables" - W. T. F. Seriously! Who ever thought we would see this cast list: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Danny Trejo, Micky Rourke, Terry Crews. (With Sly at the helm) That pretty much wraps up 80s-90s action films in a nutshell. Now, there is every reason to believe that at least a couple of these are little more than cameos, but still. Any more beefcake and I might think about pinch-hitting for the other team for a couple hours. Like "Salt", plot/acting are irrelevant, though for different reasons.

"Harry Potter #17" - meh. I never really got on the band wagon with this franchise.

"Rapunzel" - Cosette will probably like it.

"Tron: Legacy" - Another OMG - YEEEESSSSS!!! In the same era as "Clash of the Titans" this was another big favorite of mine growing up, and still like re-watching the original. I'm cautiously getting my hopes up. A must for the theater.

"Green Hornet" - meh.

I think I saw maybe 4 movies in 2009 (two of them last week). I'm hoping to see more in the theater this year - especially since at least 4 of the ones above rate a "Must see in the theater" for me.

Double-Up on Acacia Park Week

2009-11-06T20:40:00.006-07:00

Wednesday was the last meeting of our Team Player class at church, and we had an outreach planned. Pizza and water at 6pm...and hope people come. We had about a dozen pizzas, and there were about 5 people at the park.

Plan B: A few guys in our group took a couple pizzas and went walking down the street, hoping to find someone to give the food to. Once they got back, we got directions from a guy named Aaron to a camp with a few people. So, our group caravaned there (after a few u-turns of the blind leading the blind) and indeed we did find a few people...3 to be exact.

Oh well, we left the remaining 6 or 7 pizzas with a guy who called him self "Tools" and his family. Hope they like leftovers.

But it was fine; it was a bit of an adventure, and neat to get out of my Acacia Park "comfort zone" and find others that need food/help too. It was also fun getting to share the whole experience with a larger group of people and talk to them about what it's been like for me.

Then tonight, despite past evidence, I had a silly urge to doubt and think I'm gonna end up wasting time/food. I got a couple dozen 6-inch subs from Subway (November special has them at $2 each) and showed up promptly at 5:30...with not a soul in sight. *sigh*...ok, maybe I drive around to where I know some camps are and try to distribute that way. But wait...what's this? Oh, a group of 20 people walking over from the other side of the park. DUH!

So I got to meet a few new people, and even a couple small children whose mother was happy to have something to feed them. And the married couple Marshall and Kallie making plans on how to get back to their tent. Drea is frustrated from having to find a different place to sleep every night. Will is very quiet and seems sad. Anthony hurt his knee. Aaron looked happy to see me again. Etc...

Always an adventure. Always a blessing. (For them and me) I love Friday nights!

Acacia Park Update

2009-11-01T12:15:00.001-07:00

Whoops! No update for over 2 weeks....my bad.

So I'll give the skinny on what's been happening with the homeless ministry, and then maybe do a separate update about other stuff in my life.

So two weeks ago, the most memorable thing I took away from that visit was Dave.

I had gotten some Taco Bell, and brought Famous Dave leftovers from my previous workplace. When most of the food was gone, this guy who had been staying a little ways off moved in as the crowd cleared. Right away I could tell something was "off" with him. He was up on the stage, and just came by the food and sat down. His eyes were red and not pointing in the same direction, he had food (or something else?) on his face and in his beard, he had scabs and scratches all over, and his nails were over an inch long and black with dirt.

I used to have the inclination to avoid this kind of person. But as he sat there and started to look over what food was left, I noticed how even the other homeless folks moved away and gave sideways glances to him. I don't fully understand how or why, but God moved me to compassion, and I suddenly felt very interested and drew close to him. Now I know that I had to take anything he would say with a grain of salt. He might be confused, he might lie....but my approach is always one of understanding and wanting to be an ally and friend.

He told me his name was Dave, and he said he just knew he would hurt somebody tonight. !!! "Why do you say that?" I asked him. He looked around and said "Look at these f***ers...see how they act? They think they're all hard...they don't know hard. They're just acting.....whatever...." That is a distilled version of what he actually said. He was hard to understand sometimes, paused a lot and repeated what he said, and swore a lot. Over the course of the next 20 minutes or so, I learned that he had left Nashville a couple weeks ago where his girl is. I didn't get the full history, but a couple times he said "I love that whore....I don't know why, she's a b***h....I just love her." Ok. He said his parents were killed when he was 16 and he's been on the streets for the last 10 years. At certain points while talking I could tell he was tearing up even though his eyes were already pretty red.

The hardest part was watching him pick through food scraps. I had gotten chicken and a couple different salads, and had a bunch of apples. I tried offering the food to him, even to plate it up for him, and he would just shake his head and mumble, and fish around through the bones and crumbs. As I was getting ready to leave I asked if there was anything I could do for him, and he said not unless I could take him to Dallas, Texas.

So for all of that, I don't know how much, if any, good I did. The only thing I feel might have been of value was sitting next to him for 20 minutes, locking eyes with him, and talking/listening to him. I figured that was more than he got most of the time from most people and might help him feel human again. Even though he said that nobody has loved him since his parents died, I tried to tell him several times that I know God loves him. "I hope so....I doubt it, but I hope so...." he said. I leaned in and said "Trust me, I know for a fact that God DOES love you."

The Word of the Day is: Blessed

2009-10-12T19:54:00.002-06:00

Wow. Just...wow.
I'm blessed in a lot of ways. After day one of the new job, I wanted to post this update because I've had such tremendous support and interest on Facebook, so I hope to answer most (if not all) of your questions here.

So here's the facts...
Jaxon Engineering & Maintenance is a small company that started in August by people that have actually been doing this kind of thing for years. "What do they do?" you ask...Understandably, I'm still getting to know the company myself, but here's my basic explanation for now:

Jaxon designs/builds/maintains (but I think mostly maintains) radar installations. The kind that look into space, and monitor national defense. We already have several contracts, with locations across the country, and a couple overseas. (One of the exciting things is that it looks like I will be traveling to some of the locations.)

My title is Human Resources & Security Director. So I handle all the HR stuff, and am starting the learning curve to become the company's FSO (Facility Security Officer) - which has to do with security clearances and things like that for defense contracts.

For the locals: our building is behind the huge USAA building at Research & Voyager...so I'm available for lunch in the North Academy area. ;)

It's also very cool to be working with some really great people. There's definitely a sense of a close community here, and several of the people are actually at Vanguard too.

I definitely have that "looking forward to work in the morning" feeling.
So here's to the exciting new adventure...and I'll try to get some photos tomorrow to post.

Thanks, God, for your awesome, unpredictable timing and predictable faithfulness!

Cold Weekend!

2009-10-10T18:30:00.008-06:00

Snow and ice hit CS this week!
(It took me at least a good 15 minutes to de-ice the Sub this morning)

Fortunately, it was relatively warm/dry Friday night when we went to Acacia Park. I was once again joined by my brother, and Tim, Bethanie, and Chad from church. I picked up 10 pizzas, and Tim and I joked about how we once again fell for the silly mind-game of "Uh-oh...we have too much food" to the 30-minutes later thought of "Uh-oh...we don't have enough food!"

Steve put out the word at work, and actually brought quite a few blankets and jackets. I wanted to make sure they could try and stay warm back at their camp, and planned to drive down and drop them off. I wasn't able to find it last night, so I went out this afternoon and found it. They have some tents and tarps set up among the trees right between Fountain Creek and the Greenway trail behind the Wal-mart by Cimarron & 8th St. (info for the locals)

I got their permission to take photos, so here's a photo tour:
From the south-side of Wal-mart there's a path that heads down to a tunnel going under the road:

This is the Greenway trail...

...only about a 5-minute walk till you see their spot through the trees:

Just a few feet away from the creek:

And I helped Matt, Lolo, and Fatboy get a nice fire going!:

After hanging out with them for a while, I mentioned that I was going to be at church tomorrow, and would see if I could get some help getting them some items they need. (tarps, rope, matches/lighters, firewood, hand-crank lamp, gloves, hats, scarves, blankets, jackets) Then came the highlight of my day/weekend: Matt again thanked me, and was really appreciative of my help, and said he'd like to go to church with me next week!

Woo-hoo! I know I need to take everything with a grain of salt, and not give up or be disappointed if he changes his mind by next week, but I see it as a step in the right direction, and I'm really excited.

I'm also excited about the "Idea" I referenced in my last post. After talking with Matt last night, he agreed to let me try to do some kind of informal documentary/interview type thing. I basically just want to have video of him telling his story (and maybe include a couple other people that are willing) to show to folks at Vanguard and hopefully get more help/involvement. I've been feeling a sense of urgency to do this soon, because Matt has stage 4 Hodgkins-Lymphoma, and might not be around much longer.

Ok, that's it for now. I'm going to enjoy some of Wendy's fabulous chicken tortilla soup, and reflect on how thankful & appreciative for hot, yummy soup, a warm home, and a warm, comfortable bed that I'm blessed with.

Unemployment is Fun!!

2009-10-08T18:12:00.001-06:00

Wow….since my lay-off last Wednesday, I feel like I’ve been pretty darn busy and active. Guess I don’t fit the welfare stereotype of sitting at home collecting unemployment checks. Seeing the comments on Facebook alone is proof how covered in prayer we’ve been….we are so blessed to have so many friends/family thinking about and praying for us. I can honestly say that I have experienced nothing but peace and joy during this whole process. Thanks to our friends/family, and thanks, praise and worship to our Jehovah Jireh…our Provider.

I even forgot to do an update as to what happened with Acacia Park last week. As I was driving there, I was thinking about how every single visit has been different, so I had every reason to believe that it would again be a unique experience and I would encounter something unexpected.

So here’s what was different:
•Apparently, I arrived a few minutes after most of the “regulars” had cleared out
•I was disappointed at first, fearing the food would be wasted (silly Josh, you
should know better)
•I was pleased to get to spend time in conversation with Matt again (wheelchair)
•We were interrupted when cops started chasing one of Matt’s acquaintances down the
street on foot. (“Africa” apparently had swiped a laptop)

Of course, God still moved. I have faith that although I may not be seeing immediate results of “Kingdom impact” I know that we are ministering to people by providing physical needs with food/coats/scarves…and ministering to their souls by talking to them and (hopefully) making it clear that I’m interested in who they are and listening to them.

It was great to have my brother spend the evening with me side-by-side as well. And in my weekly conversations with Matt, I’m starting to get an Idea…I’ll expand on that as I flesh it out a bit.

As for the job situation…again, nothing but praises as we sit back in awe of God’s hand. I was officially laid off on Wednesday, 9/30. On Thursday, 10/01 I had an interview with Jaxon Engineering. It’s a newer company, owned/operated by the parents of friends from church (and other Vanguard people work there). Then on Monday, they call and ask if I can come in again on Tuesday to talk again for a little bit. Sure! At the end of Tuesday’s meeting, they say they will discuss it over the weekend and get back to me on Monday. Orrr….maybe less than 24 hours later they call and offer me the position!! Whaaa? How’d that happen?

Here are several key factors I see playing into this:
•The owners/CEO (as well as most employees) are believers
•I had a fantastic chat for a good 20 minutes or so with the CEO
•The position is a combination of HR/Security/Purchasing – they need someone who
has at least some experience/exposure with these (which I have), but more
importantly someone who is willing & able to be flexible (which I am)
•Timing: when I suddenly became available “conveniently” coincides with when the
company started feeling a need for someone in this capacity
•They hadn’t advertised the position; no other candidates – they just heard my name
and situation and wanted to “feel it out”
•X factor – the unknown variable that I will just attribute to God knowing & seeing
far more than any of us can.

Almost every day for weeks, I’ve been praying for wisdom and clarity in searching for a job, and especially when faced with a decision like this. I had another job possibility that I was getting ready to dive into if the Jaxon thing didn’t pan out. I was waffling a bit as to which way I should go, but then in my conversation during the 2nd interview, and when they called and made the offer, I felt like I got slammed in the face by a 2x4 made of wisdom & clarity. It was almost – dare I say it? – easy!

There is still plenty of uncharted water out there. On Monday I start my new job doing….umm, not sure exactly what. But I’m confident (and apparently so is Jaxon) that I’ll get it figured out and look forward to looking back at this a year from now and continue the marvel and praise at how God works in our lives.

My heart is so full, and I feel like I could ramble a bit more, but I’ll tie off this bleeder for now and come back. Heading out to Acacia Park again tomorrow night! (With no set expectations, of course)

Wheel...of...Fortune!!!

2009-10-02T16:26:00.007-06:00

So, through a Craigslist ad, I was able to pick up 4 hours of work at the Double Eagle casino up in Cripple Creek. (4 hours today, 4 on Sunday - setup/tear-down) I didn't know what the event was until after agreeing to work. It's the Wheel of Fortune's traveling contestant search thing. They do a mini-version of the game show and stuff. I mostly moved boxes, unpacked stuff, help setup the heavy stuff on the stage.

I didn't get many pictures, but I'll try and get some on Sunday before tear-down.
It was beautiful today...here's a view from highway 67 looking down on Cripple Creek. (It was safe for me to take, cuz I was stopped by road construction workers)

Here's me and Cardboard Vanna:

Unpacking the categories for the game board:

And on the way back, I stopped at Jonie's Deli in Woodland Park for lunch, and had a very de-lish turkey melt.

Reap the rewards - I was given some Wheel schwag to keep.

(I had to do those last two photos as links, cuz blogger wouldn't upload anymore)

Today was a good day!

2009-09-30T23:52:00.000-06:00

In light of my current circumstances, it may seem counter-intuitive, but I have to say that I had a really good day today. I'm writing this at 11:30pm on Wednesday, Sept. 30 - the day I got laid off from my job. I wanted to post this earlier, but so much is going on. I could probably babble ad nauseum, but will try to do this in list form to keep it succinct.

* It was the end of a hard week of long-hours and lots of stress
* I had a great time this morning with the Lord, reading through Psalms
* Someone bought lunch for me again (two days in a row)
* Several people on-site and off, in person, in email, and on the phone had a lot of nice things to say to me
* I laughed often
* Throughout the day, I had a great amount of peace and calm
* I have (had!) such great bosses, who have pledged references, help, encouragement, etc. whenever I should need it
* I got to leave at 3:30
* Someone bought me dinner
* Set-up to run sound was eerily straight-forward and worked more easily than usual
* I was able to worship
* While taking communion, I was overwhelmed with a sense of God's love for me, and I felt nothing but gratitude, peace and joy
* I got to have a great time of conversation throughout the evening with a friend
* I got to chat with (and pray for) my brother whom I have been continuing to grow closer to
* I got to see my kids run up yelling "Daddy!" with smiles
* I got more ideas and vision for how to build this homeless ministry adventure
* I rec'd an incredibly generous gift from someone at church to help by food for the homeless, and for my family
* I rec'd wedding anniversary card & gift from my parents so Wendy & I can go on an anniversary date! (Bro is watching the kids!)
* A friend offered to take our kids overnight so Wendy and I can have time for just the two of us!
* I have a couple interviews and job leads lined up over the next week or so
* I have 8 hours of work this weekend doing setup/tear-down for a special event that will bring in some cash
* I'm excited about the all-day Prayer workshop on Saturday
* I get to sleep in tomorrow!
* I have so many things to be thankful for, that I'm having a hard time remembering/thinking of them all!!!

Can you see why it's impossible for me to be anxious, depressed, etc.? I've been in such a good mood today.

Thank you Lord for loving and providing for me and my family!!
=)

Acacia Park Saga: Week 3

2009-09-26T23:42:00.000-06:00

Well, Saturday turned out to be pretty full/busy...so I'm just now getting to this after 9:00pm....

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this point that God showed up again, right? It's also interesting that after doing this for 3 weeks now, each week God has provided and "shown up" in very different ways. Since last week there weren't any leftovers at work, Wendy offered to make taco fixings to take. And she also made about a dozen scarves. Do I know how to pick a good wife or what? =) (Ok, actually she picked me. Ok, actually God set us up.) It just so happened that there actually were some leftovers from work also. It was our last Friday lunch ever (KPSG - my company - officially ends next Wednesday), and it was a Southern spread: fried chicken, fried catfish, fried okra, collard greens, corn on the cob, cornbread, etc....

So between the leftovers from work, and the 60-ish tacos we had, I figured we would have more than enough food. Vanguard has started a new ministry called "Beyond Ourselves" focusing on homeless ministry and missions last week. Through it, I sent out an invite for people to join me; and 4 people did! So shoutout to Sarah, Josh, Dave, & Chad for coming out. (And luckily they brought drinks because I forgot those this week) Sarah & Josh said they were also going to pick up a couple pizzas, so I'm now worried that we have way too much food.

Wrong.

Word is starting to spread. A couple people I spoke with said that someone told them that there was food, and I saw many new faces that I hadn't seen the last couple of weeks. So it was a pretty decent crowd. (Read: 25-30) I was kind of surprised that the catfish and okra were big hits, not being a fan myself.

Aside from the logistics of the food, new people, etc....there were two main highlights for me.

1. Matt
There's a guy named Matt who I've seen all 3 times at Acacia Park, who is in a wheelchair. Last week he mentioned having 12 seizures and his heart stopping, so I was looking forward to talking to him again and finding out more about his story. Sarah, Josh and I got to hear some of it. He's 25. His first 12 years he was raised in France. He speaks 9 languages. His mother was raped and decided to keep him. She was murdered when he was 15, forcing him to take care of his little sister and brother. He was an assistant manager at KFC during high school and graduated at 16. His sister (who had cerebral palsy) was raped. After high school he played soccer semi-professionally in Sacramento and Boston. He did kick-boxing for 13 years, and was an MMA fighter for 3. The disease came on kind of fast and progressed through stages 1, 2, 3 and is now in stage 4 hodgkins-lymphoma. In 53 days (if he is still alive) he will officially be the person to have lived the longest with stage 4. He kind of seems to be a pillar at Acacia Park. Everyone looks out for him, and he tries to help everybody else. He's homeless. He's in high spirits and an incredibly nice guy.

He continued speaking with Sarah and Josh, but I didn't hear the rest of what he said, because....

2. Lee
As Matt was talking, one of the more "scroungy" homeless people I've seen at the park walked up, listened for a while, then asked if he could sit down next to me. I can't possibly describe with accuracy what transpired over the next 30 minutes - and I really wish I could have audio or video recording of stuff like this. But I'll try....

First - what we notice first: his appearance. Older (at least 50's or 60's). Skinny. Big, bushy, scraggly grey beard. Yellowish substance seeping from the corner of an eye. Both eyes pretty red and moist. Snot running into his moustache. Reeking of alcohol.

Let me pause and share what I reflected on later. My point in coming to Acacia Park isn't just about meeting the physical need of providing food. My hope has always been to build relationships. To find out what's going on in their lives, show them that I'm interested and care, and be genuine with them. Up until the last few months, I think I've always avoided social interactions with strangers in general, let alone homeless strangers, let alone a homeless stranger who looked and smelled like this. So what was surprising to me, was that I didn't have a reaction of revulsion. I didn't pull away or look around for an escape. I leaned in and thought, "This guy is why I'm here!"

That being said.....the first thing he says is how Mother Nature done him ugly. I chuckle a bit, and he continues saying that when he dies, that's the first thing he's going to do is ask Mother Nature why she done him ugly. I tell him, "You know, it won't be Mother Nature you're talking to after you die." He nods, and looks up "Him."

I can't recall word-for-word the whole conversation, but several times he says things like "Most people don't know this, but do you know what Jesus did, while He was on the cross?" "What?" I ask. "He smiled," Lee said. "He died for us. He loves us. I am the most worthless piece of s**t there ever was, but He loves me. I don't understand that." Woah. He tells me he was in prison for 37 years - not for nothin'. He says he lives in a box in an alley, and isn't worried about getting food or being too cold. He says when he goes to sleep tonight, Jesus will fill him up and keep him warm.

There was more than that, but alas: no recording + bad memory = that's all I got. Of course he also said he's a mean, ornery SOB who is 3-0 in fights in this park. And he said Jesus will help him find his next drink....so obviously I'm taking everything he said with a grain of salt. I'm not sure if he was plastered at the time, or dry and looking for his next fix. But for that half hour, his face was within inches of mine, he whispered "He loves us" many times, and teared up a few times (as did I). He put his arm around me, and I put mine around him. He called me "brother".

I still don't fully know what to make of my experience with Lee, but I feel like each time I go down to Acacia Park, God gives me deeper insight into how he sees people, and I hear that refrain from the song "Hosanna": "Break my heart for what breaks yours..."

God Showed Up Again (Big Surprise!)

2009-09-19T21:41:00.001-06:00

So since I was planning on going back to Acacia Park again, I was hoping for another good crop of leftovers at work. A friend from church, Tim, was bringing a few food items too (granola bars, fruit, etc.) but I was hoping to give them a full, hot meal. Steak, chicken, mashed potatoes, etc....should be good! Except there were zero leftovers this time! Uh-oh. A little disappointed, I'm resigned to the fact that the food items Tim is bringing will have to do. But not long after lunch, a lady in the office comes by and hands me $30, saying she hoped it would help since there weren't any leftovers.

Score! Silly Josh...how quickly and easily I was giving up. God intended on providing all along, just differently than how I expected. So I was totally stoked as i hit Albertson's after work and got enough chicken, potato salad, macaroni salad and water for about 20 people. While they were getting the chicken ready, I thought "why not talk to a manager and see if there's anything else they can help with?". So I talked to manager, Eric, and while he said they need a month in advance request through a charitable organization to do "official" donation-type stuff, he let me take 6 loaves of their day-old clearance bread.

I pulled up right next to where Tim had parked and at about 10 til 6:00 we were setting up dinner. No wait this time, I recognized many faces hanging around, and they converged on us before we had gotten anything set up. I said "Hi" to a couple guys walking up, calling them by name. They seem surprised that I remembered their names. Twisted M asks, "Are you here to give us food again?"
"I sure am," I reply.
"You rock!"
Smiles all around.

Not surprisingly, the goes pretty quickly, as there were probably a little over 20 people. There were several new faces from last week, so it was fun learning new names and hearing a little bit about their stories. Vaughn had a bad cold and a headache. Zac was planning on "camping out" at the America the Beautiful park for the night. Bo needs new shoes because the soles are falling off of his current ones. "Mouse" and his wife/girlfriend have 2 kids with them - a 3-year-old and a baby that looked about 6-8 months.

After the food is gone, conversation winds down, and some of the group move on, Tim and I take our leave....but I have one more stop.
Remember Mark from last week? He had told me where he lived - some efficiency apartment across the street from the park. And he had mentioned a few items that he and his wife needed. Tim had brought a couple bags of stuff for Mark. So I went and found Mark.

When I saw him in the lobby of the place, I called out his name, and he spun around surprised. He explained two reasons for his surprise.
1. Most people don't call him by Mark, but by one of his nicknames "Chaos" or "Devran". (??)
2. Most people who he tells where he lives, and say they'll stop by...never do.
He was very appreciative of the items, and I told him I hope to see him again soon.

I tell these things, not to give myself a pat on the back. How could I be "proud" of what "I did", when I had no clue what I was doing?!? Clearly, throughout the day I was again doubting if the trip would be worth it. I had no planned words, and only a vague plan of action.
All of the cool stuff that happened was God
1) telling me to remember that He is in control, and to have faith that He will "show up"
2) telling those I interacted with: "I haven't forgotten you."

Join me in praising such an awesome, generous, merciful, loving God!!
=)

Special Gifts

2009-09-16T10:46:00.002-06:00

I discovered something very coincidental and emotional today.
I have two friends on Facebook who I'm sure don't know each other. Both have a son named Caleb whose birthday is today.
One is celebrating with joy their 4-year-old...the other is grieving their Caleb that would have been born today, but was lost before his first breath.

What are the odds of that? What is the proper response? Celebrate with one family, and grieve with the other, I guess
Romans 12:15 - Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

And so I remember what special gifts from God my children are.
Thank you, Lord, for such special blessings!

Lunch with Habakkuk

2009-09-15T18:05:00.001-06:00

So today I felt like reading a minor prophet during lunch, and settled on Habakkuk. So here's what I picked up on...

The nation of Judah is about to get pounced on by the Babylonians in judgement for turning to idols. Habakkuk questions God, asking how long He will let evil go unpunished, and why he will use the wicked (Babylonians) to punish a more righteous people? This struck me as similar to the way Job spoke to God. These are men of the Bible who were considered righteous and apparently had a close relationship with God. Is this something we should hope to attain? A relationship with God that is so close and real that we can talk to him like a brother?

I like that God doesn't drop the hammer on Habakkuk as hard as he did with Job. Instead, he gently but firmly reminds Habakkuk that He will bring judgement in His own timing, and that we are to wait for it and live by faith and trust Him. At the end of His response to Habakkuk, God says, "the Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth be silent before Him." God is Holy. He is in control. He rules. We are to be silent. Humility and reverence seem to be the proper frame of mind to keep.

Habakkuk responds with praise and worship and reverence. He ends by saying that regardless of circumstances, even when there is loss and seeming lack of provision, "Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation." (3:28)

A Night of Victories (Or "My Expectations = wrong!")

2009-09-11T22:40:00.005-06:00

Sorry...this is a lengthy one. I've tried to make it a little more narrative so it's easier/more interesting to read.

So, until tonight, I've never had any experience with feeding the homeless. I suppose it's the typical mixture of lazy, selfish, scared, "waiting for the right opportunity" etc. But the paradigm shift that began in me at retreat is changing my philosophy from having good ideas and good intentions, to being a person of good actions. I've often (read: almost always) meant to do things like this, but never have. More and more now, when I feel a nudge from God about something, I try to act on it ASAP, instead of waiting till I have a plan, or think about it, or whatever. Acting in obedience instead of over-analyzing and procrastinating.

Anywho, so today at work, we had lunch catered from "On the Border" (Mexican food). After everyone had their fill, we still had only eaten half the food. Usually what ends up happening is a few people take some home, and whatever's left gets tossed. So as the afternoon wore on, I felt like it would be better if the leftovers could be given to someone who was hungry and needed it.

"Not this stuff."
"There's hardly any meat left...just rice and tortillas and chips"
"Wendy needs you at home"
"You've worked some long, hard hours this week....you deserve to just go home and rest"
"What if you can't find anyone?"
"What if someone 'corners' you on a God/life question, and you choke!? You'll make things worse!"

Etc....plenty of thoughts, questions, and doubts entered my mind before I even left work.

"Bite me. I'm doing it." Maybe not quite those words, but that's the answer I gave to my misgivings. As this pattern of behavior of acting immediately to the Lord's promptings becomes more common and comfortable, it gives me a resolve knowing that I'm just gonna do whatever I feel like He wants me to do, even if it doesn't makes sense or feel "comfortable."

A couple people at work noticed me taking ALL the leftovers, prompting questioning glances or comments.
VICTORY #1: The door is opened for me to share about Christ - why I'm doing this.

As I left work, I thought "Well....tortillas and rice with the little bit of meat that's left is ok, but they'd be better with cheese. And what about something to drink?" So I stopped at the store to get cheese and a flat of 2 dozen water bottles. When I got within a couple blocks of the park, I pulled over for some final preparations: reading a few verses of the Word, and praying that God would give me eyes to see, ears to hear, and words to say. I'm not the kind of person who likes going into something without a plan, but I decided to just trust that God would handle the details.
VICTORY #2: I consider this a victory, because already I sense that God is molding my character and teaching me how to let go of control of my life and learn to trust Him.

I pull up to the curb at Acacia Park. A friend from church who has experience with homeless ministry (shout out to Sarah!) had suggested I go there. It's surrounded by a high school, a YMCA, and several local businesses. I had heard it was a place many homeless frequented. As I get out and start getting my load of stuff ready, I glance around the park....ummm...hello? I had built up an expectation in my mind of dozens of homeless people milling about everywhere. I saw a couple of clusters of what looked like high school kids hanging out, and one or two other people by themself.

Re-enter the doubts:
"There's no homeless people here: FAIL!"
"You're too early, there won't be any until after dark."
"What are you gonna do with all that leftover food, genius?"

I carry everything over to the little outdoor amphitheater, and notice 2 people that sort of look "homeless?" (That feels like such a judgemental thing to say, but really how do I approach someone to offer them dinner unless I assume they're homeless?) I start by asking if they'd like a bottle of water, and the woman says no thanks, she's set (showing me her large bottle of whiskey). Then I realize: they have bottles of alcohol, a pizza, cell phones, and bicycles. Maybe not homeless.
VICTORY#3: How's that a victory? The woman says that was sweet of me to offer. Somehow, I feel encouraged and ok to keep going.

I've got everything lined up: all the trays with tortillas, taco shells, rice, beans, meat/veggies, bag of chips, and bottles of water.

It's 5:42.
I wait....and wait....6:00 rolls around. I've watched as different clusters of teens walk around talking to each other. A family walks through the park to their car. An older guy with a beard and a cammo jacket - maybe he's??....no he's not.

6:10
By now I've gone through my mental list of options a few times: maybe the homeless folks really don't show up until late at night?, do I take everything back to my car and try again tomorrow?, am I being impatient and need to wait longer?, do I need to walk up and down Nevada and Tejon to search for someone who "looks" homeless?

A couple minutes later a teen walks up.
"Hey, what's goin' on? You givin' out food or something?"
"Ya," I say, nodding; wondering if he's a local high school kid looking for a free meal, or what.
"Cool. I'm just waiting for somebody," he says walking towards a group of other teens.

Then a guy rides up on a bike at about the same time a crusty-looking guy with huge backpack complete with bedroll walks up. While they're talking to each other and rolling cigs, I tell myself what the heck, give it a shot, and walk up to them and ask if they'd like anything to eat or a bottle of water.

They do.
VICTORY #4: Finally...what feels like affirmation that the trip wasn't a waste.

I meet John, the guy on the bike. He's friendly and genuinely appreciative. The other guy is listening intently to his hand radio and doesn't seem like he wants to talk. As they start getting their food, the teen I spoke with before comes up, flanked by three or four others. A couple of them ask if they can have a water.

"Sure," I say. If they are high school kids who don't really need a free meal, it feels like a waste, but then again, I've only had two takers so far anyways, so why not?
Then a girl asks me if I work for a church. I tell her no, but I go to church.

"Awesome!" she exults giving me a high-five. "You're the first person who doesn't work for a church that's ever come down here!"
In my head: "Whaaaa?? That doesn't seem likely."
Out loud: "My pleasure."

She tells me her name is Skye. Then I meet Vaughn. Then Matt. Then DJ. Then Mike who goes by "Twisted M".

Then another girl asks if anyone has told the rest of the group that there's food. I see her indicate a group of people at the other end of the park that I had assumed were more high school students. Within minutes I'm surrounded by about 20 people queuing up for food.
VICTORY #5: Woah! I just had to wait a few minutes longer than I expected for things to "happen"!

Uh-oh.
10 minutes ago I was worried about what to do with all the leftover food I was going to have on my hands, now it doesn't look like it's nearly enough!

Skye has taken it upon herself to tell everyone, "Hey guys - Josh was nice enough to come down here and feed you all, so be sure to say 'thank you'!" And everyone is very polite and appreciative. A couple guys make it a point to thank me 2 or 3 times. Very appreciative.

I exchange comments with several of them, but most get a few bites to eat then walk off. A few stick around watching and waiting to see if they can get seconds. Pretty soon, it's all gone except for the huge bag of chips. Everything has happened so fast I almost forget to watch for the opportunity to talk to them, look for that open door to share Christ. (Side note: aside from feeding homeless, evangelism is the next thing I've never really done, or felt comfortable trying)

But then I strike up a conversation with Mark. He tells me a lot about what's going on with him, and also fills me in on the others. Most of the teens here either "camp out" "couch-hop" (staying at different friends' houses) or stay at shelters. He says that this kind of thing helps a lot. He tells me how most churches and other organizations have stopped coming to help out, seeming pretty disappointed/miffed about it. I'm trying to take everything with a grain of salt, not wanting to dismiss everything he's saying, but not everything he's saying quite jives.

At any rate, I find out he lives in an "efficiancy apartment" (which I've never heard of), and he and his wife are barely living on food stamps. He said he had spent all day today scrounging for change on the street corners nearby. He gives me his address and asks if I can find any household items or food for him that I can bring it by.
VICTORY #6: I connect with someone. I feel like it's the beginning of building relationship - which is the cornerstone of how Jesus did ministry (same for Vanguard)

6:45
I tell Mark I'll be thinking about and praying for him, and that I hope to see him next time I stop by.
I head back to my car.
That hour went by pretty quick, actually.
Wait.....I had fun!
Something I didn't expect: I want to hang out with these people more! As I drove home, I couldn't help but think "This could be my new hobby!"
VICTORY #7: I get a sense of the compassion Christ has for people. I feel fulfilled and changed - and I want more.

Such a long post, I know. Sorry...but my heart's pretty full right now, and I want to get my thoughts/feeling out while the fresh and undiluted. I'm excited about doing more of this, and I'm hoping I can find some ziploc bags, food containers, milk, other foodstuff to take to Mark soon.

Added to my prayer list: Mark, Skye, John, Twisted M, Vaughn, DJ, Matt, Adrian

Matthew 25: 34-40
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. 37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' 40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Interview, Schminterview

2009-08-28T11:31:00.000-06:00

I wanted to pause in my Retreat posting to talk about my job interview yesterday before I find out the result. First of all, I was told to try and get there early, as it would probably take longer to get on base due to the welcome-home-troops stuff going on. My interview was at 10:00, so I got to the base right at about 9:00 - and was through the gate and parking by 9:05. Wha?! Oh well....so I'm super early, but didn't want to go in THAT early, so I sat in my car and read my Bible which I conveniently (and intentionally) had brought. It was a great way to steady any nerves...but then, come to think of it, I realized I wasn't nervous!

And when I walked into the office, I was about 10 minutes early and was able to hang/chat with the HR assistant there who I've been friends with these last couple years as we work on a lot of things together. She asked if I was nervous, and I was happy to answer "No." I think that has been one of the benefits of interviewing for jobs, is that the experience has boosted my confidence, despite the rejections.

It went really well, they said they had heard a lot of good things about me, and were planning on making a decision soon, so we'll see!

Experiencing God

2009-08-28T05:55:00.000-06:00

Title = Not related to the book or study....just a short phrase that captures what the Men's Retreat weekend was in a nutshell.

This might be a long post, so maybe print it out and read on the train...or by the pool...or in bed...or whatever. Thus far, I feel like I have been pretty much an open book as far as what is going on in my head and in my heart in relation to life, God, etc. and intend to be just as transparent and vulnerable about this very special weekend. So take it all with a grain of salt, this is my (limited) perspective and not authoritative Truth. ;)

Leading up to the weekend, the major themes playing in my life's background have been 1) Prayer - how to do it; why I don't do it as often as I know I should; faith in believing it matters, etc. 2) Calling - there might be a variety of connotations of this word, but it's the one that speaks to me the most often, and basically is related to the question: What should I be doing with my life? I've often thought of this in a vocational sense (What job am I getting paid for?), but have widened it to include all areas of my life: family, church/ministry, etc.

I knew to expect that God would do something on retreat. I tentatively hoped for "answers" or at least a little more illumination on my path. Oddly, however, as we were driving up, checking in and heading off to the campfire, I felt slightly disconnected. Like I didn't feel any anticipation of something good happening, or at least a mild ambivalence. I was a little concerned by that, so as worship began, I asked God to soften & open my heart, to start being able to engage and "get my hands dirty" in the Spirit.

----------------

I'm sorry to do this...but I'm going to have to break this up into segments...otherwise, I may never get this posted, as the entirety is a bit over-whelming. I've been up since 4:00am this morning. That's the second time this week. It was fairly productive again, in the sense that I was able to connect and build in a relationship with a friend who was up at the same time, and started working on the "Cleansing" sheet that I will describe later.

I will give the utmost effort to completing the Retreat experience rundown over the next day or so, probably in manageable, small-ish chunks like this.

Who Needs Sleep?

2009-08-25T03:41:00.005-06:00

That title is an homage by the song of the same name, by one of my favorite bands ever, BNL (Barenaked Ladies). The funny (not the ha-ha kind) thing is, is that I have a friend who had a few nights in a row of waking up in the middle of the night like this, and I wondered why and what that must have been like for him as he described it on his blog - and now I get to experience it.

I don't feel any physical affects really, other than a mild headache, but I definitely feel like I could not go to sleep right now if I tried. And this is pretty darn unusual for me, as I am a fairly heavy sleeper. Wendy often will ask if I know what happened in the night (kid-drama related, usually) and I rarely do.

Since it is so unusual, my next thought is that there must be a reason for it, right? So I ask God if there's a reason He woke me? Is there someone in urgent need of prayer right now? Is there something I should have done yesterday that you're getting me up to do now? Not sure I've heard an answer yet, but I decide to write this blog update and see what happens.

While I'm here, I can maybe start to tell you a little about what happened on retreat. I'm going to do a nut-and-bolts overview in this post, in an attempt to break up the whole retreat recap into bite-size, readable chunks. This is pretty general, so feel free to gloss over. I'll get into personal specifics in my next post.

We stayed at a place called Horn Creek. Very nice accommodations, great food, amazing rec center, etc.

The format for the retreat is this: Friday we arrive between 5-7 and get settled in. There's no dinner, but there are "heavy snacks." Then some worship, then one guy talks - usually testimony type stuff. Then rec time from 9-12. I know that sounds late for physical activity, but for 55 dudes, it's a great ice-breaker since we're meeting guys for the first time, and a great de-compressor, as it helps us all relax and have a little fun after the work week.

Saturday I start with a little walk in the woods and devotions before breakfast. Then we have a morning worship session, and then break out into our 3 "teams". There are 3 different 45-minute speakers in different places. So each team goes to one, then we rotate until we've heard all 3. Then lunch, then afternoon activity. This year it was a combination of Amazing Race-ish scavenger hunt/trivia game/using a compass type activity. It was really fun, but exhausting to basically be speed-hiking all over the grounds for a couple hours. After a freshen up time and dinner, we have evening worship, followed by what I call "open mic" time, which is an opportunity for any guy to share what's going on with him.

Then Sunday is devos, breakfast, worship, then the "God Stroll" - a semi-structured time alone with God. Lastly we have communion - which for most of us is the highlight of the weekend. The way we do it is that there are several loaves of bread and little communion cups of grape juice. The idea is to take a piece of bread and juice to a guy that you've seen grow over the weekend, or they've ministered to you somehow, or you need to confess something and ask for forgiveness, or something like that.

Usually that's it and we're done by 11-ish and get lunch on the way home, but this year they actually had lunch for us too, which was cool. I was home by 4:00 and spent the next 3 hours or so kind of non-stop talking to Wendy about it, through kid-managing, through dinner, etc.

Men's Retreat 2009

2009-08-24T22:43:00.002-06:00

This is tough. I'm sure most of you can relate to the quandry of experiencing something so amazing, then trying to put it into words to try and share it with others. This is one of those times. It's been a little over 24 hours since getting home from the weekend, and I feel like at times I'm still reeling.

There are so many stories and epiphanies and insights and experiences that I wish I could convey what it felt like, and how they've impacted me. Alas...I waited till after 10pm tonight to start this, and I'm tired and need to go to bed.

I promise I will try to write more tomorrow.

Stick To The Plan

2009-08-20T14:30:00.001-06:00

I've always kind of noticed a pattern for me, but lately I've been think about it more intentionally and analyzing what it means.

Call it "Instinct" or "Intuition" or even just "Going with your gut"...however you try to label that ambiguous phenomenon, I feel like I've always had an above-average portion allotted to me. Might be that's why I'm good at remembering how to get somewhere. Might be that's why I seem to often make lane changes at just the right time. Might be related to discernment in people's character. But it goes beyond these things.

If I'm going to the store, I usually have a list or know the items I intend to purchase. My wife will attest to the fact that I notoriously end up grabbing a couple of "unplanned" items. Then I discover that either she had already purchased it, we don't really need it, or I regret it for some reason. I should have just stuck to the plan.

On a larger scale, I've hypothesized how this applies in other, more significant areas. Like when I was living in Denver and realized that I loved Wendy. I decided that I wanted to move back to California and marry her. There were a number of roadblocks and doubts, some tears and some sweat, but I stuck with the "Plan" and look how great that turned out!

Same thing when deciding to move out here to CO - roadblocks, doubts, etc....but I stuck with the plan that I knew was good, and again we've seen God's hand of blessing on us.

Now comes the self-chastisement. If I KNOW that sticking to a plan I know is good produces good results, why don't I always "stick to the plan"? In my walk with God, I know that reading His Word and praying to him on a regular basis is a good plan. But when I come up with a plan to help me do those things, I inevitably seem to fail...I alter or dismiss the plan. I remained convinced that it's a good plan, but I guess I remain unconvinced that it's worth my time and energy?

I vent my frustration (mostly at myself - though I admit I offered a smidge to God this morning in my prayer in which I used the phrase "What's the deal?") hoping to find some answers and inspiration at the men's retreat this weekend. If the last two men's retreats are any indication, I'm expecting God to do some big stuff. Should make for some good blog fodder next week! =)

Righteousness (Follow-up)

2009-07-30T06:10:00.002-06:00

So this morning I came across this verse in Romans 8:10
"10But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness."

...and decided to pursue this line of thought after my questions yesterday about whether my prayers will amount to anything, or whether I am righteous "enough".

Silly, of course not! I, me, Josh is not righteous. But Christ is, and His spirit is in me. That's why when God looks on me He doesn't see sin and unfaithfulness, but rather He sees Christ.

But I have a responsibility to "wear" the righteousness:
Ephesians 6:10-18 describes putting on the armor of God, including the breastplate of righteousness.

2 Timothy 22 says we must "pursue righteousness"

So it's not something that just "happens", but rather something that requires me to be intentional about.

Baby steps....

Righteous vs. Wicked

2009-07-29T06:30:00.003-06:00

I read some of Proverbs today, and reflecting on the contrasts it provides.
Primarily: Fool vs. wise man and Righteous vs. Wicked.

As I read through the descriptions of the "wicked" man, I feel fairly confident that that's not me! But does that mean since I'm not "wicked" therefore I am "righteous"? Is it one or the other? Can we be both? Is there somewhere in between.

This year I have been trying to focus on prayer. What is it? How do I do it? Is it effective? etc... A challenging thought for me has been found in James 5:16 - "The prayers of a righteous man accomplishes much" (other versions..."are powerful and effective")

I know that during our time on Earth, we never will "arrive" at completeness spiritually, but I feel like I've barely begun the journey, and question whether I am righteous (ever), whether my prayers are effective. Ironically, I know that they are, as I've clearly seen God's hand guiding my life, and have received answers to prayer, and have grown in my faith.

James 1:5-8 speaks to this as well:
5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

I admit that I sometimes buy into the lie and gnawing doubts. I hear the voice in my head "Maybe I shouldn't even bother praying. I'm not sure it's effective, and since I have doubts, that passage in James says nothing will happen because I'm double-minded."

I've been encouraged though by the men's leadership team at church to remember that I cannot improve myself. I cannot pull myself up by my own boot straps, and just get more faith. I have to ask God for that. Which means I have to pray.

So despite the lying whispers, the fears of failure, the foolish thinking of "Is my faith enough?", I am trying to persist in prayer.
God, enlarge my faith. Give me eyes to hear, and ears to hear what you would have me know of you.

Family Friday

2009-07-11T22:30:00.004-06:00

Friday started out a little odd, but ended better.
At work, we usually have "Fellowship Friday" where we have lunch together. Yesterday, they had decided to just get ice cream cake for dessert. Cool. So I go out and get some lunch, walk into the HR area, and there's everyone eating lunch!...catered from Golden Corral. Oops, no one told me the plan change.

No worries though, I was content with the food I had, and still got some ice cream cake. The rest of the afternoon, work was off-an-on, busy-wise. It was going real slow for a couple hours until I got tasked with a bit of an overhaul project. No problem, I'm good at those, and was feeling a bit bored/restless. But once I'm mid-way through the project - boxes and files strewn all over the place - I get the word that we can go home early. I scramble to get stuff squared away and stowed away, but am definitely the last to leave.

Now, I'm not complaining...I'm observing: I don't think it's coincidence. When I was at WCHS, I was nearly always the last to leave, and often the only teacher working on evenings and weekends. Any time I've done a mission trip or volunteer-type activity, I've often found myself to be one of the last to "knock off". Even now with the sound job at church, I'm supposed to be the one to arm the alarm and lock up after rehearsals, so I'm again the last to leave.

What's weird is that I'm often self-conscious about how lazy I am. In my day I've spent many a weekend firmly planted on a couch playing video games or reading. But then sometimes it seems that I really work my tail off. So maybe I'm just all-on or all-off.

Jeez, did I digress or what!

Anywho, I still got home earlier and Wendy decided we could go out to eat. We went to Rockbottom (my first time). Afterwards, we walked over to the Summer Jam Sessions that were going on. Guess they're doing free music and vendor booths, etc. on Friday nights during the summer. We got some free/discounted stuff, but my favorite part was the two conversations I got to have.

First with Jon Elsberry from church, who I've had a few one-on-one talks about prayer, faith, etc. I really enjoy our conversations and am always encouraged to press on in my personal walk with God after a few minutes with him.

Second, I got to meet and chat with Wendy LaBree. She's a co-host for the morning show on KVOR 740 AM - the local conservative talk radio station. She sounds fun and nice on the air, and is even more so in person! She was a bit enamored with Cosette (duh - who isn't). She even gave a little eagle sculpture to Cosette, and gave us passes to the El Paso County Fair, so we'll probably hit that next weekend.

She also mentioned that they've been hiring a lot, and are still looking for people. That'd be cool to work at a radio station! Here's a picture of us Wendy took with my phone:

Thank God! (Literally)

2009-07-09T09:04:00.003-06:00

So there are basically 3 radio stations that I listen to:
1. KVOR (talk radio) - 80% of the time
2. KBIQ (Christian) - 15%
3. KCME (classical) - 5%

On my drive this morning, all three were on commercial breaks and I had a little ADD going, so I flipped to the local pop/rock station 99.9 (not sure what the call letters are) and it sounded like it might be some fun morning-jock tom-foolery. I think the hosts are John J, Rich, and Kerry...or something.

It turned out to be a bit of Jerry Springer-ish soap opera tom-foolery, but I'll admit I got a bit sucked in and left it on. (But it's ok, I'm extrapolating an important point at the end!)
A woman named Lisa was having them help find out if her husband was cheating. They had the host (Kerry) call the guy (Isaac) and say he won a dozen roses, who would he like to send them to? He started to tell her to write a note "Can't stop thinking about you" to some girl in his office, and his wife (Lisa) on the line jumped in saying, "What are you doing, Isaac? Why...?" *sobbing*

Busted. Another 10-15 minutes of "discussion" ensued between the husband, wife, radio hosts, and random people calling in...it was ugly.

My reaction (beyond the somewhat-entertained, similar to slowing down to check out a car accident) was the usual mixture of shaking my head "I don't get it" fare. When other people make horrible decisions that ruin their lives, it's easy to shake our heads and not understand how they couldn't see the danger/error.

I think about how lost people are without the big missing puzzle piece in their life: Christ. What kind of husband/father would I be if I hadn't made Christ the center pillar of my marriage? I have enough temptations/sins/failures as it is...I shudder to think how my life would be going apart from Christ.

I'm truly amazed when I hear of a decades-long, love-filled marriage of non-Christians. I know this may sound a bit over-simplified, but if you don't base a marriage on Christ, you're basing it on the person you are and the person you love, right? But how can a love established on sinful/flawed people result in anything but hurt, disappointment, bitterness, infidelity, etc?

So my extrapolation is this: thank the Lord for His love and mercy that have changed (and continue to change) my heart so that I can be a person who loves more than I would otherwise be capable. I'm grateful that Wendy and I have had almost 8 years of a wonderful marriage in which we are in this triune relationship that is stronger than if it was just the two of us.

To Epiphany, or Not To Epiphany?

2009-07-08T12:26:00.002-06:00

Ok, epiphany isn't actually a verb (but wouldn't it be cool if it was?).
I just liked the sound of the phrase as a couple more epiphanies have hit me recently. Though, perhaps I should stop throwing "epiphany" around so much...seems to lessen it's significance as a special event if I have one almost every week; but then again, maybe I'm just in a great season of growth.

As to whether I want more of these "revelations" or not, a new twist has been added. 99% of the time, it seems that when I have one of these experiences, it is very positive, affirming, full of hope and joy in the newly-gained knowledge and wisdom. The twist is, apparently an epiphany can reveal something dark, sad, evil, painful. Then I am tempted to wish I hadn't had the epiphany!

Which brings me to another touchy subject (for me, at least): do I blog about what I've recently realized? Thus far, I have been pretty open about my thoughts/experiences...even vulnerable. But there are a couple of subjects that I've not referenced here...and I'm not sure I want to. To me, that's a sign that these parts of my life are still tightly entwined with pain, fear, and/or shame. Heck, to admit that like I just did is vulnerable in and of itself, but doesn't hold a candle to the can of worms I'm toying with opening.

It's not that I feel threatened by my "followers". To my knowledge, I don't really have "enemies", and only friends and family (maybe 10 people) will even read this. I'm sure that if I start unfolding my heart and subjects that are difficult for me, if anyone were to leave a comment it would be comforting, affirming, encouraging, etc...even if some "tough love" type critique was thrown in, that'd be ok since it would be out of love.

Yet once the can of worms is open, and the cat is out of the bag, and the bus has left the station, etc...you can't undo it. Am I worried that people's view of me will be radically altered? Is there a limit to how much I should share in this "public diary"? (I'm not talking graphic, inappropriate stuff, just personal stuff) Perhaps it would be even more progress into my "journey" to rip off the bandaid and allow the discussion and healing begin.

So, this is a work-in-progress as I continue to digest and think about it. If you have thoughts/comments, I'd love to hear them.

Good Friday

2009-06-26T22:10:00.002-06:00

No...not THAT Good Friday, silly...

Today was a good day. Shall I regale you with my tale? Well, since you said please...

It started off (as most mornings do) with waking up; but the beauty of it was that I felt rested! I was in a wedding yesterday. (Groomsman for one of my accountability partners) and had a looong day - in the middle of a looong week - not getting home until about 11pm. I was a bit worried that I would be too tired for my interview, but was very grateful that God gave me the rest I needed.

Good Day Item #2: our company had the quarterly social/fun event: combat mini-golf. There were a few special rules for hitting opponents' balls, putting with your off-hand, etc. that helped your score - and I won! Admittedly, my competitive edge was simmering under the just-having-fun exterior. =) Couple with more golf experience than a majority of the others, I suppose I shouldn't brag too much about out-putting everyone else, but still, I had fun and won some cool foodstuffs from Alaska.

After the golf, I rushed back to work and quickly changed into my interview outfit. I realized that today is the first time I've worn a tie in a long time! I got to the address in plenty of time, to allow myself a few minutes to just sit in my car and get focused mentally, and pray, and psych myself up with positive/confident thoughts. I think while I was driving over I had a bit of nerves, but was pleasantly surprised that as I walked in, the nerves left and I felt very relaxed and at peace. I'm going to credit that to the prayers I know you guys sent up - Thanks!

By the way, the job is for an HR Generalist position at a national health care company. This would be a couple pay grades above what I'm at now - VERY good for us if I get it!

The interview lasted a little over an hour, and consisted mostly of her asking me a lot of questions about my HR experience and knowledge. There were a lot of the "what would you do in this scenario" type questions. As it went on, I found myself gaining even more confidence, and feeling more at ease. It was starting to feel like a good fit. She seemed pleased and - dare I say it - even impressed with my responses. There was even a "tricky" test when she had me read through a couple pages of a certain policy and then role-play with her as an employee needing to be counseled/disciplined for violating it. She said that I did better at that part than any of the other candidates.

After I asked her some questions I had, I ended by asking her if she would mind giving me some feedback as to what kind of feeling she had about me. She said that she really liked my communication skills and that what really "hit home" with her, was how I did on the role-playing test and the good questions I asked. I would be a good fit for this office.

But...

She said she was a little hesitant because I didn't have much "hands-on" experience. Meaning that because the majority of certain HR functions (approving FMLA, having the 1-on-1 counseling conversation, recruiting, etc.) I've handled the back-end, paperwork processing, rather than being the initial POC. So that puts me at a slight disadvantage there.

She said she will be making a recommendation to her boss, who will then do a final, phone interview (because he's out of state) by July 6. I'm hoping that I can use that opportunity to try and explain how that "disadvantage" isn't so bad, because I'm very confident that I can handle it; maybe even making the connection that I spent 4 years counseling, mentoring, and disciplining (sometimes in very difficult, tense situations) as a high school teacher.

At any rate, I walked out of the office, head held high (despite the light rain), feeling very good and smiling. I felt fulfilled, in that I knew I had the best interview I could have had, and was proud of how I handled myself. I also had a real sense that God (and many family/friends) were thinking of me at the time and I can only assume He gave me the peace, confidence, and words to say.

To end the day, we got a yummy Costco pizza, my brother came over to hang out, and he and I went to the pool/jacuzzi with my boy. My biggest smile of the day came when I stepped into the pool and held my hands out to help Connor in, and he randomly says: "You're the greatest!"
=)

Thanks, Satan, for clues to knowing God!!

2009-06-21T22:25:00.004-06:00

We all like to be on the winning team, right? I remember in grade school, when the lunch-time kickball game was getting started, I always hoped to get on David's team, cause he was really good and his team almost always won.

So when I'm reminded of the victory we get to share in with God, I feel strengthened and encouraged by that....and - I admit - I want to rub it in Ol' Scratch's face a bit. Today, Satan tried some of his old tricks to lead me away from God, that actually led to me gaining a deeper knowledge of Him, and connecting with my wife spiritually in a way I don't think I ever have before. (Oops! Not the plan, eh you old snake-in-the-grass?)

I woke up kind of early (about 2.5 hours before we had to leave for church) and puttered around on the computer, made breakfast, took care of the kids, etc. By the time Wendy was up and getting ready, I was starting to feel like not going to church. Back to bed? Do some reading? Play on computer? Etc....

But, Wendy and the kids were almost ready, so I got dressed and didn't feel rushed to get there on time. In fact, we were a bit late (walking in during first worship song), and I also decided to use the restroom, so I'm coming in toward the end of the 2nd song - not feeling like singing/worshipping one iota. Also leading into this time, there were a couple moments during the morning of tension/arguing between me and the wife, so I had a burr in my saddle as well.

Almost flippantly (but sincere enough) I told God in my heart, "I got nothin'. I don't feel like worshiping or praising you or talking to you or any of that kind of stuff. So if something's gonna happen this morning, I need you to do something to my heart. Soften it, break it, wake it up - something."

Well, I guess He did. Through focusing on a couple lines of lyrics, and through a very moving story told by the worship leader about some personal stuff with him, I started to "get there." And then the sermon about (surprise, surprise) fatherhood hit home too. And then the pastor encouraged/challenged us to take communion with our wife/family - especially if we've never done that before. (And I never had...)

Suffice it to say that it was a very emotional and intense experience for me. I prayed with Wendy as we knelt at the altar, racked with sobs, amazed by God's love, impassioned by His Spirit.

And my eyes were opened....I remembered several other moments like this. Spiritual milestones in which something significant happened in my walk with God; and they all shared one common denominator = I didn't want to go to church/chapel/devotions/mission trip that day.

Duh! Right? He may not be omniscient, but Satan is a cunning, smart, thinking-1,000's-of-moves-ahead opponent. He can see where it's leading when you are walking into an opportunity for something special to happen in your relationship with God. And he's going to try damn hard to make sure it doesn't happen!

So my conclusion is this: every time I have a plan or schedule to meet with God - be it church on Sunday, accountability group, Bible study, etc. - and I start feeling like I don't want to go, or external circumstances start making it difficult = that's as sure a sign as fireworks and sirens that the Enemy is trying to stop me from experiencing something miraculous with God.

Therefore, I look forward to the next time Mr. Mephisto tries to pummel me or block me or weigh my heart down. I can smile, rub my hands together, and say "Oh boy...I can't wait to see what God has in store today!" (Game, set, match - God wins)

James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Hiatus Interruptus

2009-04-27T21:20:00.002-06:00

*le sigh*....apologies for long-time-no-blog, etc, etc, blah blah...(the usual)

I've had several moments over the last two weeks in which I've thought "Oh, I should blog that!"
But obviously, I didn't.

So now that I'm finally getting around to it, I have a few unconnected things to share, and will probably break them up into separate posts for you to read at your leisure.

Connections

I like finding connections, especially in movies/tv. So, here are some I've discovered recently. If you haven't seen these particular tv shows/movies you probably won't get it. If you have seen them, you probably already made these connections and are like, "Duh, Josh!"

Man in the Iron Mask - one of the king's advisors is Hugh Laurie from "House". Ha!
Full Metal Jacket - character "Animal Mother" is played by a young Adam Baldwin, star in two shows I very much love: "Firefly"-Jayne; "Chuck"-Casey
Krull - I had always heard about this movie, but had never seen it. Finally watched it last week, and was surprised to recognize more familiar faces: Liam Neeson, Freddie Jones (Thufir from "Dune"), Francesca Annis (Lady Jessica also from "Dune")

On a sadder "connection" note...upon watching Krull, I realized that it had an element in it that was very similar to an element in my novel that I thought was rather unique. Even though I honestly thought of it myself (and it is somewhat different), now I worry that people will think I lifted the idea from Krull. (And yes, I'm being intentionally vague)

I have been really fond of Netflix over the last couple of months - by using their "Watch Instantly" feature online, I've been able to catch up on quite a few movies on the list of "Ones I'd like to see sometime, but don't want to pay for rental or make time for" - notably, the three listed above.

Yet there's a catch....the slippery slope. Am I watching too many movies now? I'll discuss in the next post.

More Poems

2009-04-13T20:33:00.001-06:00

I know I should talk more about what's goin' on with life...thoughts, experiences, etc.
But for now all you get is the last few poems for the PAD challenge. =)

4/9
For today's prompt, I want you write a poem about a memory. The memory can be good or bad. The memory can be a blend of several memories. I suppose it could even be a memory that you're not sure you remember correctly. Take your time finding a good one (or good ones).

"Trying To Remember"

What just happened?
Who am I?
My heart races as I
notice clues written on my arm
and my chest
and my leg.
I have no friends.
I have no life before
this moment.

Frantically, I search for a pen
to write down the name
of the person I just met.
Photographs seem to help,
but this one is scratched out.

Friend or foe?
I may never know.
I finally figure it out,
beyond all trace of doubt.
I kill my only friend.
My worst enemy in the end
is me.

4/10
For today's prompt, I want you to write a poem about Friday. Do you like Fridays? Despise Fridays? Of course, you can also write about something that happened on a Friday--or write an ode to Fridays. Or, as you know, I'm all for seeing you attack this from an angle I haven't thought of yet.

Friday
Free at last!
Escape from Reality
with friends and family.
PAH-TAY
with my family and friends.
An escape from Reality -
I feel free at last on
Friday

4/11
For today's prompt, I want you to write a poem about an object (or objects). Though you don't have to confine yourself to straight up description, I do want you to focus on object and/or make it a central piece of your poem.

Not terribly clever, but here's a cinquain about a favorite object at the center of many conversations lately.

Towering
statue of
Anubis. Is that
what it is? I'm
Lost

4/12
For today's prompt, I want you to take the phrase "So we decided to (blank)" and fill in the blank. Make that your title and write a poem. Some possibilities include "So we decided to plant a tree" or "So we decided to burn a hole in the sky."

"So we decided to run"

"Hah! They're nothing!" we scoffed.
Bravado and cocky confidence
swelled our heads.
Swagger and switchblades were
enough to earn fear and respect.
Six of us, only three of them - there was
no suspense here; we knew how it would end.
I began to speak,
to urge them to beat it...when the tall one
pulled out a gun.
So we decided to run.

Poem a Day Challenge

2009-04-04T17:42:00.002-06:00

April is National Poetry Month, and a friend convinced me to participate in the Poem-A-Day Challenge. (Click the link to check it out)

Each day has a new "prompt", and you're allowed to write in any structure or style. Obviously, creativity and "thinking outside the box" is encouraged. Throughout the month I'll share my poems here every few days. Enjoy!

4/1
For today's prompt, I want you to write an origin poem. It can be the origin of a word, person, plant, idea, etc. Have fun with it.

We've been here before.
I'll go there again.
How did we become?
When did we begin?

It began "In the beginning..."
You've all heard it said.
You start when you're born,
But you don't end when you're dead.

He knew you before
He made Time or Space.
He knows each hair on your head
He cares for each line on your face.

How did He...?
Why did He...?
We may never fully know,
So just know Him, and be.

4/2
Today, I want you to write an outsider poem. You can be the outsider; someone else can be the outsider; or it can even be an animal or inanimate object that's the outsider. As usual, get creative with the prompt and don't be afraid to stretch the limits.

I feel an itch.
Is it those tiny creatures again?
Sigh. They are always
scampering and sliding and
pinching and biting.
Ack! What are they doing?
They are cutting large gashes
in my side. They're harvesting my
internal organs!! Such molestations
anger me, but alas, I have no lava to
hurl at them in retribution,
for I am only an old, grey mountain.

4/3
Take the phrase "The problem with (blank)" and replace the "(blank)" with a word or phrase. Make this the title of your poem and then write a poem to fit with or juxtapose against that title.

"The Problem With This Situation"

Whew! Made it home in the blizzard.
What's this? A flat!
Why now?
Who left that screw in the road?
Where is the jack? Ah...there...
Whoops! No spare!
Waaaaaa.....

4/4
For today’s prompt, I want you to pick an animal; make that animal the title of your poem; then, write a poem. You could be very general with your animal title (“Bees” or “Lion”) or specific (“Flipper” or “Lassie”).

"Animal"

Thump! Thump!
Crash! Crash!
Drive the beat,
then break and smash!

Beat! Beat!
Play! Play!
Keeping time
in a crazy way!

Chomp! Chomp!
Crunch! Crunch!
Tom-toms and snare
and hi-hat for lunch!

Sit! Sit!
Stay! Stay!
Dr. Teeth holds
Animal at bay!

Worship Is Dangerous

2009-04-01T09:24:00.004-06:00

As I was driving in to work this morning, instead of my usual talk radio fare, I was listening to Fike & Dana's Make a Sound. I like when I feel like worshiping. There are many times when I worship out of obedience, or out of the knowledge that I'll be glad I did afterwards, but there's a different, special feeling of yearningto worship.

Anyways, as I was singing along with "Ascend to Heaven", there's a line that says:

"You are glorious and victorious, and you've welcomed us into your arms."

I was suddenly struck by the disparity of those two phrases.

1. God is the mighty, powerful, ruler of the universe (glorious/victorious)
2. God loves us dearly and wants to embrace and cherish us (welcomed us into your arms)

As I often do, I likened it to the whole King/medieval analogy.
Imagine a powerful, regal king holding court. He issues edicts, he pronounces judgements. He makes war and signs laws. He distributes wealth and manages the resources of the kingdom. Then, in the middle of all the "business", he stops everything and makes eye contact with you.
"Come here, my son," he says to you.
You look around sheepishly, knowing that he can't mean you because you aren't really his son.
"Me?" you ask.
As he nods with a smile, you start to make your way up the steps of the dais, approaching his throne with fear and awe.
Not waiting for you to go all the way, he rushes down the rest of the steps and meets you half-way, picking you up in a big bear hug.
"I love you. You are the most important thing to me in all of my kingdom."

In not so many words, that is the imagery and sense of God's love and presence I felt this morning as I drove. I had to stop singing as my throat closed and the tears came. I had to blink a lot so I could see the road and other cars....that's why worship is dangerous.

But even as I thought of that title (albeit, somewhat tongue-in-cheek), I realized there is more truth to it.

A while ago, our worship team covered a chapter in the book we were reading entitled, "Worship in Spiritual Warfare". When we worship, and arm ourselves with God's word, and are backed by His power (which we tap into through worship), we become dangerous to the enemy. I like that. =)

Miraculous Healing

2009-03-26T17:24:00.002-06:00

I know it's been over a week since a post...I have things to share, I've just been busy/distracted. But I just HAD to share this. I feel it is so important that everyone I know hear this...I'm sending it out via every channel I can think of. It brought me to tears...my faith is so inspired by this.

I don't know the full story (if someone else does, please share!), but this is a pastor or Bible teacher who apparently had some health condition that affected his voice for a few years. Please, I beg you to listen to this. This is such a dramatic example....especially in the context of what he is teaching. Be patient and listen to the whole thing. IT IS WORTH IT!!!

1993 Sermon - Healing

Paradigm Shift

2009-03-15T23:41:00.001-06:00

I have experienced times in my life when I thought things in my life were humming along nicely and I thought I had things figured out. During these times, I've been much more resistant to change and new ideas. Then there have been (a very few) times in which I was genuinely humble, realizing how little I "know", how wrong and sinful I am, how much more I want to grow and learn. Then there have been times like....well...now. Ok, not "times"....this season I am in is absolutely unique. I've dubbed 2008 the "worship" story, and have already dubbed 2009 as the "prayer" story.

I really like this new attitude I've been developing...a mind and heart open to God's voice and hand. Feeling not only willing, but eager, to be radically changed by Him, to accept 180's in my thinking about life, theology, etc. Like with anything else that we learn to trust God with, it helps when you start to see a pattern of Him answering prayers and seeing His hand on your life. I think I'm building on that now. I've seen how He's opened my awareness of worship and fellowship, I'm excited to see how God is working in my marriage and Wendy and I grow closer as we start dog-paddling out into the turbulent waters of vulnerability. And now - YHWH strikes again!
(oops...so much for cutting down on preamble...sorry)

Of course I wanted to go to church this morning, but I'll admit that I stayed up till 1:30 Saturday night, and wasn't crazy about trying to get the kids going by myself. But I not only woke up on time, I even had time for a shower and breakfast! So off to church, and again...being honest...I didn't feel like singing or "getting into worship". But as the 2nd song started, I once again submitted to discipline and raised my hands, sang out loud, and asked God to meet me....BAM! That was quick!

We're singing "Mighty To Save", and as the chorus hits, the synapses start firing, fueled by the Holy Spirit:

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

I started thinking about how mighty God is...focusing on how powerful He is. And how I've never actually seen a mountain move. Is His power hypothetical? What does He do with His power? He saves. Somehow (and by "somehow", I mean by the leading of the Holy Spirit)...this leads me down the thought path I have traversed a gajillion times. The routine is so familiar and well-known to me, it's a stale, eye-rolling bother: I call it the roller-coaster effect. I've often chafed at the feeling of futility and spinning in circles that I've associated with my Christian walk. I have a "high" spiritual moment...close to God...promise to do better...this time it's different.......and then the next day my life feels like a hum-drum routine of sin, oops, sin, oops, sin, oops...etc. (Please note: I'm exaggerating a tad to highlight the point I'm making....not quite as bleak as I'm painting it)

Anyways, this often has led to feelings of angst, despondency, failure (as a man, Christian, husband, leader, etc.) "Why do I keep failing?" "What's the point?" ad nauseum...
Then during the chorus of "Mighty to Save" the 180 hit: It's not that I keep failing....it's that He keeps saving me. I felt a surge of power as I realized (something that I've always known): I'm on the winning team! Not the going-to-win-someday-in-the-future. The winning-right-now team. The world is full of sin, and Satan has a grip on many people...but those who are hid with Christ are slippery. He can't hold on to us. He knows that as soon as we leave this life, we are spending eternity in God's presence. All he can do is try to slow down our effectiveness in influencing others to accept Christ. Those "failures" I keep feeling the futility are merely the Enemy convincing me that his grip on me is tighter than God's.

But God is "mighty to save"...He is waaaaay more powerful than ol' snaggletooth. I start feeling victory. God is victorious, because Satan will never get the upper-hand. How frustrating for him, huh? The paradigm shift for me is the change in my thinking. Taking the focus off of my continuous "failures" and focus my gratitude and love toward God for being the "Author of my salvation." Forever.

Oops! Late Post

2009-03-15T23:05:00.001-06:00

Sometimes when I get an idea for a blog post, I start writing things down in my Google docs, to post later. I found one from last Thursday that I guess I forgot to post. I know there was going to be more to it than this (esp. #3), but of course I can't remember now....oh well.

3/12/09
Fun Stuff

Ok, instead of a long post on one thought, here's a short group of random fun things...

(And yes, fun things in boring, structured list format)
1. This morning I tested myself out to see if I'm getting better yet: I jogged up the steps leading up to my work building. It's just two flights of 15-20 steps each, but for the last 3 weeks, just walking up them would often set me to coughing. I DID IT! No coughing. That made me happy and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm really looking forward to getting back into running again.

2. Connor randomly wrote the following phrase on a piece of paper: luv me ugl sev [Translation: Love me, Uncle Steve (my brother)] =)

3. Right now I'm listening to, and really digging, Fike & Dana's CD. Love the words of the chorus:

Ascend to heaven my soul
Breathe in the love of the Lord
Let go of all of the shame and the fear of this world
Be known the glory of God
Behold Him seated above
And in the light of His face
Begin to worship!

Work Blessings

2009-03-15T22:31:00.003-06:00

When I worked at a Christian high school, I was constantly among brothers and sisters in Christ; teachers, staff, students, administration. Every class and meeting started with prayer...it was awesome. Moving back into the "secular" world, I did feel a little loss there...like my faith was something being put in the box of "personal life" and I would have to don the "work life" hat to go to work. Part of this has been the slow process of growth and learning and maturing in my knowledge of what integrating my walk with Christ into all aspects of my life means. Obviously, the more I learn, the more I realize I've had a limited view of what that should look like.

But there has been a surprising, un-looked-for blessing during the past 6 months or so. I will couch this in a little ambiguity in the interest of speaking about someone without their permission, but suffice to say that there is an exec in the leadership at my company who has been an amazing inspiration to me. Soon after meeting him, I learned he was a Christian also. What a thrill! Then, he found out about my blog...said he liked it, and gave me the address of his blog. So we've been reading each others' blogs and, I think mutually, have been greatly blessed and inspired by each other.

Aside from the "warm fuzzy" kind of inspiration, the attitude he takes toward work issues and relationships, and how he seeks (and finds) Christ and Joy in all aspects of life (not just church and family, as I had relegated them) has been a challenge for me to attempt the same. I feel like my faith is maturing, and my knowledge of God is deepening. This is what the Word means by "iron sharpening iron"...but in a "secular" context, it is a blessing I didn't expect to find...making it all the more delightful!

I know there's a good chance he will see this post. My apologies sir, if this feels a tad over-done or awkward, but I have a feeling you won't take it that way. And as I've stated for everyone here, I've made the conscious decision to engage in this process as authentically and humbly as I can. My own journey is a joy to share, as it is a declaration of God's love for me (and all of us!) and glorifies him; as well as hopefully inspiring/edifying my readers.

I leave you with a sample of his latest post. C'mon...really, how awesome is it to have a boss that thinks like this?*:

"
We had a wonderful service at church today which started with the hymn, “How Great Thou Art”. I started smiling as we finished the first verse and chorus and moved into the second verse, because that says in a nutshell what I truly feel when I’m staring into or up on the mountains:

When through the woods and forest glades I wander,

And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.

When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,

And see the brook and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee,

How great thou art, how great thou art.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee,

How great thou art, how great thou art.

As I listen to the song, look back over the pictures, and remember the incredible serenity I felt on the top of those hills, I can’t help but praise our Creator and thank Him for giving me that peace this weekend.
"

*Note: this is a very small sample; there is much more of depth and beauty and inspiration, but I feel I should get his permission before sharing more of his heart. =)

Great Distances

2009-03-11T21:25:00.003-06:00

I felt it tonight. You know that feeling? When you are experiencing worship, and lyrics you've heard before take on new meaning. You get it. You decide to seek God in worship, and when He meets you...wow!

A couple posts ago I talked about prayer. As I think about concepts related to my faith and walk with God (prayer, worship, faith, etc.) sometimes I feel a Great Distance. A distance between me and a God so Holy, so beyond my capacity to understand that it feels like a separation. There's the distance I feel between us, and there's the distance between where I am now in my walk/knowledge and where I want to be.

As I said before, 2008 was huge for me in my knowledge and experience of worship. The distance grew smaller. Now, as I feel myself honing in on prayer and faith, I sense a great opportunity to make great strides again to close the gap I feel.

And I keep describing this sense of distance as something I am feeling, not something that exists. I'm not accepting it as fact. I was thinking tonight about how the concept we have of Jesus returning one day....it implies that he left. That he's not here now. That builds up this sense of a gap/distance between us. But we know that he is here, now, living in us. Present with us when we sleep and when we rise. The sense of distance is created by me ignoring him. By my lack of faith in not believing that if I speak to him he will answer. By not spending time with him.

My best friend, Brian, was my closest mate in college. My best man in my wedding. There's a connection at the heart-level that will never go away, regardless of time or distance. And yet, I don't feel very close to him right now because I'm in CO and he's in CA, and we have busy lives and only speak on the phone about once a month.

Tonight, during the mid-week service, my prayer went something like this:
"God, I want to know you. I want to worship and serve you. I want to feel connected to you. But I'm aware of a lack of motivation or desire or something to act on these desires. Help me to want to seek you. Help me to remember to pray. Help me to know what to pray. Help me to believe that my prayer actually matters to you and can affect my life and others."

In closing, I was really struck by the words in "At the Cross":

O Lord, you've searched me
You know my ways
Even when I fail you
I know you love me

Your Holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know you love me

Lord, give me the faith to really believe that you love me, even as a filthy sinner who forgets to (or chooses not to) seek you.

Off & On

2009-03-11T21:05:00.003-06:00

I meant to blog this last night....oops.

Monday was "Off"...Tuesday was "On". Do you get what I mean, or should I elaborate? Ok, I'll elucidate.

I've thought of different reasons, explanations, excuses to describe what happened Monday. I felt really "off". It started out great, because I had a fantastic breakfast: eggs fried just right over toast with a couple crispy strips of bacon...perfect. After that, things weren't "bad"...just..."off". I left work at 3:00 to go to the doctor, so that means I was in the office for 8 hours (one of which was lunch), but I feel like I accomplished so little, my energy level was dragging, and I didn't feel collaborative, cooperative, or productive. (Sorry, I can't help but give three examples/descriptions/annotations to everything.)

The externals: my 3-week-long cold; not enough sleep; bad drive in; the co-worker I share an office with was absent.
The internals: didn't spend the morning with God - felt the annoying, scraping, mood-souring fingers of old sins/temptations trying to take little nips out of me; lack of focus and passion for what I was doing; "life" frustrations, stress and distractions at the front of my mind instead of pushed back out of the way so I could focus on work.

I'm not trying to "explain away" anything that was my responsibility (or lack thereof). I know that some things I bring on myself. I could get more sleep to help my energy and focus. I could make a greater effort to have my morning devotions - so often I think to myself that I can "do them later". Even if "later" does eventually happen (which it often doesn't when I postpone it), that's no help to me during the day.

Tuesday: I was feeling/expecting more of the Monday-type stuff. The day started off worse: I woke up late, rushed out the door, intending to grab a bite on the way in. When I went to pay the cashier at the drive-thru window, that's when I realized I had left my wallet at home. So breakfast was a bust; and lunch would be too, since I had really brought one.

However, my souring mood hit a brick wall of positivity. (Hmmm...perhaps an improper analogy...uh, my souring mood was suddenly lifted into the clouds by dozens of happy sparrows) At 9:00, our HR dept. was going to have a 3-hour team/leadership-development session. I was worried my mood would obstruct any progress for me personally, and hurt the team...but I did my best to squash that (with a little help from my homey, JC) and we had a GREAT session. Lots of laughs. Lots of good ideas. Lots of inspiration.

The switch had been flipped to "On".

Even though half my day was gone, when I got to work after lunch, I accomplished 10x more in the next 4 hours than I had all day on Monday. I'm starting to feel like this post is long enough to guarantee skimming/skipping from my readers, so I'll not go into the lengthy reaction I could share about what happened in that 3-hour session and where my thoughts are taking me now. Maybe later. Besides, I've got another post to write tonight.

Prayer & Encouragement

2009-03-08T23:25:00.003-06:00

The two big topics for me this week...and (what feels like) my two greatest areas of struggle at the moment.

I've met with a couple different prayer warrior types over the last few months. Much like Worship was a focus for me in 2008, I see Prayer as being a major focus for me in 2009. And I'm quite excited about that.

*Flashback/Anecdote*

Around 8th/9th grade, our youth pastor at church went through a series on prayer, and what being a prayer warrior is all about. We were given little binders that were meant to be a tool to use over several weeks to help us grow in knowledge and practice in prayer. I remember thinking very convincingly, that I am not, and never will be a prayer warrior.

I just didn't get it...how does my talking/thinking to God change or affect things in life? Why does it feel "silly"? Why do I not care? Those thoughts when I was 12-13 solidified as I went through high school, even during the 6 years at a Christian university, even during the 4 years as a teacher at a Christian school.

I think I've come to a point where I'm saying, "Enough is enough." I know (cognitively) that prayer is a real discipline, it is required/commanded of us, it really does affect change...and I want to figure it out. It's humbling to be a Christian your whole life, even a leader of other Christians and organizations, and yet feel very "green" in such an important aspect of Christian life. But I guess I feel enough grace and encouragement right now to feel safe to explore this.

I think about how God became angry with Israel and was ready to destroy them. But Moses spoke to God and plead for mercy...and the Bible actually says this phrase: "But Moses implored the Lord his God....And the Lord changed his mind about the harm he said he would do to his people." (Exodus 32) That's a crazy concept that our prayers can change God's mind about something.

Another example of prayer's effectiveness:
Numbers 11:1-2
"11:1 And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp. 2 Then the people cried out to Moses, and Moses prayed to the Lord, and the fire died down."

Well, that's the discussion on prayer for now....I included "Encouragement" in the title, but this is already going long, so I'll save that for another post.

Fun Times

2009-03-06T22:06:00.001-07:00

I ran across this free, online animated .gif creator. Here's a little something I whipped up to try it out:

gifninja.com Create custom animated gifs at gifninja.com!

Sweeney Todd

2009-03-02T21:17:00.002-07:00

So....Sweeney Todd.
The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

The subtitle immediately gives one an idea of what to expect. I've never seen Sweeney Todd before, or heard the music, though I've known many who speak well of it. So I finally gave it a whirl. I was surprised to learn (via the special feature documentary) that this was supposedly Johnny Depp's and Helena Bonham Carter's first foray into singing...and musical theater.

My first thought was of the little snippets of "Yo ho, yo ho" from Pirates that we've heard Johnny do. But still, quite a risk for the director/producers to sign them on as unknown variables...yet it seems that happens often and gold is struck. (cast of LOTR? hello?)

Oh, and I didn't realize that Alan Rickman and Sacha Baren Cohen were onboard...nice surprises, performed their roles extremely well. I recognized Timothy Spall from Last Samurai and Hamlet.

Now, I suppose it's no surprise that I like the music, seeing as how big a fan I am of Into the Woods. The fact that Depp and Carter aren't the most skilled or experienced voices actually helps I think, lending the rawness/realness to their characters. The acting was perfect...Depp was uber-creepy. I think my favorite part is the opening scene as the boat sails into London Harbor. There is such a poignant mixture of pain, sorrow, and rage on Todd's face.

As for the weaknesses...I've seen many a violent action flick, yet there was something about the assembly-line throat-slitting and brain-splatting (esp. the last 15 minutes or so) that prevented me from enjoying the story. The story itself loses its pace during the last act and the characters seem a bit bereft of purpose and progression.

I know that in a traditional "tragedy" sense, that you can't expect a happy ending (and I wasn't), but perhaps I was expecting one that had a point at the end aside from "never forget, never forgive" and uhh...I guess madness ends in ruin for all? There's truth in the angst felt by all of the characters, but there's little redeeming value in the audience's ability to glean any wisdom or warning.

This is all still mostly gut-reaction, I'm sure if I studied the show and read up on it and knew something about psychology, etc. I'd be able to make a more intelligent analysis.

So I like Sweeney Todd for the music, acting, style...but I wonder if it would be possible to tell the story, and communicate the angst, rage, sorrow, etc. without the gore? At the least, I'm desiring to at least get the soundtrack.

Sick and Stuff

2009-02-26T21:38:00.003-07:00

Ugh...I don't know why, but I haven't felt like writing any blog posts for a while. I feel like I want people to know what's going on in my life, but I don't feel like making the effort of typing out a few paragraphs every other day. There was an "Outer Limits" episode once where all the worlds' information was instantly accessible via brain implants, so people would just close their eyes to send/receive info. Although there are obvious pitfalls there (thus the point of the cautionary tale), part of me envies that.

Anywho...last Tuesday, Feb. 17, I started getting a cough. The ol' body rapidly went down hill, and I ended up staying home sick from work Wed - Fri. It totally sucked. I hate not doing something because of illness. I was the kid who would try to fake being WELL so I could go to school. (I think I missed all of 3-4 days during my 4 years of high school)

We've been pretty slammed at work, and I've kind of been the point person on some projects. My being away, unplanned, for 3 days rocked the boat fairly bad. Some balls got dropped, and I knew they would. I hate the feeling of letting people down. One time in college, I told a friend I would meet them for dinner in the caf at 6:00. I forgot, had dinner at 5:00, then saw them coming in on my way out. The hurt on their face still burns in my memory. That's just one example (and yes, I know, a fairly minor one - they got over it and we're still friends), but it gets my point across effectively.

Well, as of write now, I'm pausing mid-sentence during this post several times to cough up a lung. It was a bummer being sick during Fike & Dana's CD release concert. I had been looking forward to it for so long, it felt anti-climactic because I was so out of it.

Two other thing that sucks when I'm sick.
1. It physically affects my appearance so that people think I'm mad/sad/upset - which is rarely the case, being the generally happy, laid-back cool guy that I am.
2. Though part of me appreciates and desires concern for my well-being by others, at a certain point I get tired of "How ya doin'?" and "Sorry to hear you're still sick" comments. Why is that? How rude and unappreciative am I? I guess it's just a reminder at how hard I have to work at dying to self and allowing other people (with their own problems) into my life. That's probably why I have a secret wish for the life of a hermit-monk. Shut off from the world, no purpose or activity in life other than Bible-reading, prayer, and introspection. The simplicity and (in my mind) implied nobility of such a life appeals. But I know that is not why I am here. God is using me to interact with other people. It's through relationship with other people that my understanding of God is increased, and perhaps others get a glimpse of God through me.

*COUGH COUGH*

Ok, I surrender. Nyquil, then bed.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T15:53:00.003-07:00

We've never really bought gifts for each other on Valentine's Day. Last night, we took advantage of a special deal at church. The high schoolers were offering childcare for $10 per kid for 3 hours. So for $20 we got to spend 3 hours by ourselves. Originally the plan was to try and go see a movie. But looking at showtimes, they all had start times about half-way through the 3 hour childcare time-frame (6-9). So we just went across the street to Old Chicago and spent the whole time just talking.

It. Was. Awesome.

As much as I really want to see Liam Neeson kick butt in "Taken", I had a much better time last night. I shared with my accountability group this morning about how the process of reading the "Real Marriage" book, and attending the corresponding class at church, has really drawn Wendy and I closer. We're sharing more of our hearts, fears, sins, hopes, and excitement with each other, in a way and on a level I don't think we've experienced before in our 7.5 years of marriage.

We ate the yummiest pizza in town, enjoyed a mini-pazookie and celebrated the fact that not only are we "still in love", but our love/adoration/admiration/zeal for each other is growing more and more.

Thank you, Lord, for such an awesome woman!

p.s. Thanks to Jeric for the love! =)

Confession & Purpose

2009-01-27T21:19:00.004-07:00

I'm just now finding (making) time to write down some of my thoughts from Sunday. Naturally, the profundity of what I was thinking two and a half days ago has dissipated somewhat and I won't be able to provide specifics as well, but....hopefully some of the significance will come through.

(Mental note to self: try to cut down on the preamble!)

Sunday's sermon and worship hit me pretty hard. Epiphanies. Conviction. Gratitude. Peace. Spiritual battle. Faith. I don't know if I could fully and accurately describe the full gamut of emotions and thoughts and reactions I experienced Sunday morning. But two things in particular stood out:

1. Pastor Kelly mentioned a concept during his sermon that I've heard of for years, and understood (head knowledge): confession. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." Kelly emphasized the fact that we get that we need to acknowledge sin to God and repent. Yet we are eager to skip the awkward/humbling experience of confessing those sins to other people.

I felt convicted of this, and during the communion time, there are elders and church staff available for speaking/praying with. I immediately went and shared with one of the guys. As soon as he finished praying for me, I felt compelled to confess not just to the guy I did (Scott - awesome dude), but also to my wife. (Especially since the sin I was confessing affects her). GULP. Boy, did I sense a lot of resistance with that.

Fortunately, despite the temptation to chicken out, and the fact that Wendy had a migraine and didn't feel like talking, I engaged and we ended up talking for 3-4 hours and our relationship is stronger/closer, as well as the knowledge that I had been obedient in doing as the Lord had asked of me.

2. Now that it's a couple days later, oddly enough I can't remember the songs that triggered a new revelation for me during worship, but the gist is this: some of the lyrics said something to the effect that "I was made to worship" and "You deserve praise" and things along that line.

Though the Bible says to be anxious for nothing, I've often struggled with a sense of anxiety and angst over the very common questions everyone has: What is the meaning/purpose of my life? What did God put me here for? How will I impact the world? What is my calling?

Sunday I found a greater measure of peace and answer to these questions, even though my life philosophy has been based on this concept: We were made to worship. The purpose of our lives is to glorify God. Period. Done. That's it. How freeing it is to think of THAT as my purpose, rather than....Should I work as a band director, or in human resources for the rest of my life? What kind of career path (with increasing monetary compensation) should I be shooting for? Should we live in CA or CO? I'm not leading anything right now, and as I leader-type person, that's wrong, right? How many kids should we have? Et cetera, et cetera...

As long as I'm doing whatever I'm doing (and wherever I'm doing it) to please God, bringing Him glory and honor....the details are irrelevant.

Sorry so long again...I'll just bask in the catharsis even though I know a few people will see a long post and skip it.

Focus

2009-01-19T20:41:00.002-07:00

Wow. Today I was incredibly focused. I felt like I got more done at work than I had hoped/planned to. Maybe it's because I stayed home on Friday while Wendy slept off the flu, but I felt like I had to make up for lost time. Maybe it's the Type-A nerd in me, but there's something satisfying about having a stack of files and paperwork in the morning that's magically gone by the time you leave!

Speaking of Focus, I'm going to need it, and discipline, over the next couple of months, as I realized this week that I will be doing regular reading out of three books.

1. Way of the Wild Heart, John Eldridge - going through this with the 3 other guys in my accountability group. It's awesome, because all of us have sons, and the book is about the process of masculinity for ourselves, and to train our sons.

2. Heart of the Artist, Rory Noland - our worship team (which includes those onstage, and off) meets on the 2nd Sunday of each month at Fike's house (our worship pastor). Last year we went through Exploring Worship...and are continuing being intentional about looking at what worship is, and what our roles are in the Church.

3. Real Marriage, Kelly & Tosha Williams - our pastor and his wife wrote this book over the last 3 years, and just had it published a month ago; and now we're attending the 12-week class they're leading based on their book. Holy cow...we're in for a ride. Kind of like Viper at Magic Mountain: a bit scary, can make your stomach turn on the really bad twists, but when it's over you realize how much fun and exciting it was!

New Goal/Resolution

2009-01-18T10:16:00.004-07:00

Pastor Kelly's message got me thinking...about how we (I) encourage and affirm others. And I've come to the realization that I talk about people, more than I talk to people. I think I do this most often with my wife, but also my kids and friends as well.

I'll tell someone how I see Wendy growing in knowledge of God and maturity, but I don't think I've ever explicitly said that to her face. I brag to friends/family/strangers about something Connor said or did that I'm proud of....but did I tell him I was proud of him for that? I want to try and build people up to their face more often.

Other challenges pastor Kelly has given us, that I still need to do:
1. Think of the top 10 people in your life you are thankful for...and tell them that you are thankful for them.

2. List the top 10 things you are thankful for someone...and tell them, either in person or in writing. The challenging part is to pick someone who has hurt you or is ungrateful to you for something(s) you've done for them. Bless and affirm them.
Kelly: "That's hard. But if you can do that, it will make you an extraordinary leader."

Good Morning

2009-01-18T08:48:00.003-07:00

Just saying "Good morning" and checking in. I'm running sound this morning, and have a little time to kill before things get swinging.

Also, so far, so good on the Bible-reading plan. 18 days in a row! I'm pretty sure that's is better than any record I held in 2008. It's funny because yesterday I was reading the part where God is deciding to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, and the selection for Jan. 17 ended sooner than I expected and I had that lovely feeling of "wanting more" that I don't always get with reading scripture.

Dragons in the Bible

2009-01-15T23:28:00.000-07:00

Obviously, the greater Story of Christ and God's plan of redemption for us is the point of the Bible. And there are innumerable instances of practical life application stuff as well as wisdom of who God is, etc.

BUT....maybe it's because I'm a guy who's into action/fantasy/sci-fi.....there are some parts of the Bible that make my heart rate increase and make me smile and daydream. Eg: Epic battle scenes, blow-your-hair-back miracles, and those unexplained mysteries that we won't get answers to until we get to Heaven.

Today, my read through the Bible chronological study had me finishing the last couple chapters of Job. I've read through Job several times before; even did an in-depth study with some fellow men a couple years ago....but Chapter 41 never fails to incite excitement and clamoring for "More!" from me. God is describing the "Leviathan". I've heard it said before that this might have been referring to: whale, crocodile/alligator, hippopotamus, even dinosaur. But my mind hasn't been able to accept those explanations....only one description seems to fit: Dragon. Seriously! C'mon....

18 His sneezings flash forth light,
and his eyes are like the eyelids of the dawn.
19 Out of his mouth go flaming torches;
sparks of fire leap forth.
20 Out of his nostrils comes forth smoke,
as from a boiling pot and burning rushes.
21 His breath kindles coals,
and a flame comes forth from his mouth.

Has a hippo or crocodile ever shot fire from their mouth? I won't post excerpts of the entire chapter here, but there are many more example of dragon-type descriptions. The only metaphoric possibility could be that God is describing a physical manifestation of Satan. The Message adds a line that isn't in any other version (and therefore, questionable to my mind) that says "Even angels run for cover when he surfaces" Huh?

Anyways, I challenge you to read it and imagine what kind of creature this could be, if not a dragon. RRRRRAAAAAWWWRRRR!!!!!!

Precious

2009-01-15T13:53:00.001-07:00

This morning as I was putting on my jacket and grabbing my keys, I heard a soft whimper. Cosette had a sad look on her face and locked on me with those big, beautiful, baby blues.

Me: Oh, baby, I gotta go to work. I'm sorry!
Cosette: Hug
Me: You want a hug?
Cosette: And a kiss
*Gives me an extra long, tight-squeeze hug, and very sweet kiss (with eyes closed even!)
Then she smiles a little, although some sadness remains. I move to the door, and......

Connor: Have a good day!!
Me: *All Smiles*

Rennovation

2009-01-12T07:16:00.003-07:00

One, I know that the white text on black background was hard to read. (Even though I'm sure most people are using RSS Feeds now, but still...)

Two, I've been diving deeper in my posts, and wanted something a little more representative of what I'm posting. So, I wanted to replace the goofy laugh-at-the-sky photo. Psalm 16:11 (banner photo) is very apropos for my "Road To Valinor" theme, and I like it.

I also had a little fun making the photo. Check out this neat, free little webapp: Tiltshiftmaker. Basically, you upload a photo, and then it adds a blur effect to make your "focus" pop out more. Here is an example of a before/after attempt I did. These are the houseboats we stayed on for the senior trip to Lake Mohave I chaperoned with WCHS. Notice how the tiltshift one makes the boats looks like models or toys?

Revelation

2009-01-11T16:51:00.002-07:00

I still love the "magic" that happens when God moves and works in you...whether you're expecting it or not. It seems like about half the time I go to church, I don't feel like it. I'm thinking about how busy the rest of the day is going to be, or about what to do for lunch, or anything and everything else except connecting with God.

Part of our worship pastor's prayer in between songs today said something to the effect of: "Forgive us, Father, for the distance we create between our hearts and yours. Meet with us now, God and help us to re-connect to you." That spoke to me a lot. Indictment on the sin I allow and selfishness that prevents me from focusing on putting God's will as the #1 priority in my life.

True to form, God did just that. I was a bit slow in releasing and allowing my heart and mind to slow down and focus, but once I did a couple things began to happen. I had two significant revelations.

1: Even though the concept of "white as snow" is a familiar one, the weight of sin and separation from God every day often is a difficult obstacle for me to realize that when I repent, God removes the sin as far as East from West, and sees the righteousness of Christ when He looks at me. I let the guilt and shame of my sin prevent the healing and realization that every day I have opportunity to be a new creature. But today, I really felt like a new creature. I felt that I was truly being cleansed and made "white as snow".

2: One of the central themes of "The Way of the Wild Heart" by John Eldredge (reading it with my accountability group - separate review/discussion to come later) has been that we, as men, are needing to feel like the Beloved Son of our Father, and that He is saying "You have what it takes" - the main question of the male heart. (According to Eldredge) During worship today, as revelation #1 was sinking in, I moved into revelation #2: God is pleased with me, and thinks of me as His Beloved Son. I can't tell you how awesome it was to feel His favor that way.

Just further reminders that if I don't feel like going to church on a given Sunday, there's a good chance that's the enemy hoping to prevent me from experiencing God in a new and awesome way. Now I'm able to anticipate meeting God afresh whenever I get that lazy feeling again.

5 years old

2009-01-10T21:21:00.006-07:00

Do you remember when you were 5? I have a few vague bits and pieces of specific memories, but mostly I think it's just a general sense of discovery of the world and trying to cram as much fun as possible in between the parent-enforced meal and sleep times.

Me, a little younger than Connor now:

Thank goodness Connor is a cuter kid!:

Connor turned 5 last week (Jan. 3), but we threw his party today (Saturday). We went to Pump It Up, the warehouse full of big bounce houses and slides, etc. There were many awesome moments.

---being kinda scared of the really big slide, but then once he was forced to try it (with mom) he couldn't get enough; going on it dozens of times in a row without pause
---seeing his best friend Justus arrive and bouncing like crazy up and down (in the lobby, not even in a bounce house thing)
---getting to sit on a throne as King for a day
---having a bunch of kids crowding around him shoving presents at him saying "Open mine next!"
---at the end having him yell at the room of 40+ people: "THANK YOU EVERYBODY!!!"
---sitting with Wendy for a while after dinner, writing the names of kids on thank you cards and signing them himself

Very proud of my little guy.

Misunderstanding

2009-01-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

Not exactly a cheery topic, but....

First of all, to report on how the band experience went on Monday...short version: good.
To elaborate, I misunderstood the schedule. I was thinking it'd be Symphonic Band on Monday nights, and the Jazz Band on Thursdays. I had that reversed. So I just had a different kind of fun. I was the youngest guy there by at least a decade. And I guess I sort of underplayed (meaning I didn't bring it up unless asked) the whole "I was a music major for 6 years, and a HS band director for 4 years" thing. So it was a tad amusing having a couple people enthusiastically try to impress on me how fun band is, and what a typical rehearsal is like.

We spent 2 hours just reading down charts, many of which I was familiar with of course: In the Mood, String of Pearls, Pennsylvania 6-5000, Sway, etc. About 10 or so charts. I was worried about how my out-of-shape chops would do, but they held up, and I focused on getting rhythms and articulations right, which impressed the weekend warrior types.

The other aspect I misunderstood, was that apparently to play in the jazz band (called "Kicks", btw) members are required to also participate in one of the concert/symphonic bands (there are 7-8 different bands). Unfortunately, I can't commit to any of the other band rehearsal schedules. Sooooo, it looks like it might already be over for me. I did hear that there were having auditions for the Colorado Springs Chorale though..... =)

Two other areas of misunderstanding to cover:
1. I've been irked a few times in the past couple weeks at defending my fondness for the Carpenters' music. Yes, I know the music is sometimes played in elevators; and yes, Sean, I know that the bottom-side of her vibrato leans flat, but the more vehemently I try to explain why Karen's voice moves me so much, the worse the mocking gets. So, I'm resigned to be in the minority here, since I've yet to meet a single person (aside from mom!) who agrees with me.

2. I was trying to explain to someone the hands that led up to me busting out of a poker tournament, and why I made the correct moves at the correct times, but just got beat by lucky cards, and I felt like they didn't understand me. That's not a slam on their ability to understand things in general (or poker specifically), but it fell into the pattern of misunderstanding I've been thinking about recently.

I think part of the reason why it tends to get frustrating for me when I'm involved in (receiving or giving) a "misunderstanding", is that part of me suspects that I am to blame for poor communication. It would be honest to concede that a part of me just always wants to be right and get my way, and misunderstandings/miscommunication are obstacles to those. I have to try and remember that there is an infinite God who created a (seemingly) infinite number of personalities and people are just different - not "wrong" or "bad" - just different.

I'm starting to....understand...

The Next Blog Experiment

2009-01-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

Well, as I struggle to find a way to stay motivated and on top of regular posting, I am going to try a different approach. I'm going to try to write a lot, and not censor myself myself. Part of my reticence is thinking of so many topics I want to write about that I get overwhelmed trying to find a place to start. So my thought is to try and just write about everything I want to, and then break it up into bite-size posts so I don't have a novella that runs the risk of alienating potential readers. This way I'm giving myself a chance to "catch up" since I feel like there are a lot of things that have happened or that I've thought of sharing, that ya'll are missing out on!

I'll start with the "big" news items, and work myself backward to lesser? (still interesting) tidbits.

Big News #1: Wendy goes into greater detail, but suffice to say God in his infinite Grace and generosity has chosen to bless us with the gift of a free car. We've been making do with one car for over 2 years now, and it's ok, but I think it makes life a lot harder for Wendy than it does me, since it means she's stuck at home whenever I'm at work or church or whatever. And it means she has to get up extra early to take me to work, church, etc. which is hard on her and the kids. Awesome...thanks, God! (And thanks to the person who was moved to give away their extra car!)

Big News #2: This one is kind of big to me, because of how excited I am about the possibilities it presents. 1999 is the last time I really played trumpet with any regularity, rehearsed, performed, etc. The 4 years I was at WCHS, I would break out my horn to play with the kids occasionally at football/basketball games, and sometimes take a solo with the jazz band. But I never practiced or played any music remotely challenging or was very consistent

So that's why my eyebrows arched considerably when we saw a flyer by our mailbox at the condo. It advertised an adult band program (18+) for all levels (beg. - inter. - adv.) to play symphonic band type stuff. I just found their website. Intrigued, I called the number on the flyer last week and had a great conversation with the director. He's a retired high school band director who has about 250 people spread across a dozen groups or so. He asked for my background, and when I gave it he seemed pretty excited to have me on board...even half-joking about how it'd be nice to have someone be able to step in front of a band if he's not able to. It's a little after 5:00 right now, and I'll be grabbing a bite to eat, then heading over to the rehearsal. Wish me and my out-of-shape chops luck! =)

Try, Try Again......

2009-01-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

I've never really been one to claim to have any New Year's "resolutions" per se, but when January 1, 2009 rolled around, I did feel motivated to get on track with some goals I had been batting around noncommittally. So I committed to a couple goals (I'm intentionally avoiding the word "resolution" to keep from rolling my eyes at myself):

1. Read through the Bible in a year. I've done lots of different kinds of Bible studies in the past, but I've never attempted the read-in-a-year method. Probably since my inner skeptic balks at the idea of maintaining a perfect record for 365 days in a row. But I'm not going to hold myself to the usual all-or-nothing standard I usually do. Rather, I'm going to read whatever is up for a given date. If I miss a day, I'm not going to feel "behind" and try and catch up, I'll just start with whatever day I'm on. Hopefully that way I won't feel so overwhelmed. I'm also doing the chronological version which seems more interesting to me.

2. Run regularly. A bit vague on "regularly" since it will most likely vary from week to week depending on what other activities I've got going on. But I hope to maintain a bare minimum of 2 days a week, and shoot for 4 days a week.

Those are the big "goals" for 2009. There are a sundry of others I will discuss later. (Trying to keep this short)

Multiple Topics (of course)

2008-12-30T22:58:00.001-07:00

1. Priorities
2. Getting things right
3. Futility
4. All or Nothing

What am I thinking? Or rather, what have I been thinking about.
Those four phrases have been floating around in my grey matter off an on for a while. It feels a tad exhilarating, with a dash of frightening to try and maintain one’s balance on the fence of hope and despair.

Now, don’t worry, this isn’t mid-life crisis (too young for that) or teenage angst (too old for that) talking. I just like trying to sound philosophical. ;)

1.
To elaborate: It was primarily a decision of priorities when I decided to give up the band director career. It was difficult, because that was my dream for so many years, and is what I have so much training and experience in. Yet it conflicted with the priority I had developed of putting my family first.

2.
Which leads to “Getting things right”. I don’t like doing things wrong. Whether it’s a major life changing decision, or misspelling a word….it irks me greatly when I attempt something and fail; not because I wasn’t able to do “it”, but I’m capable of doing it right, but didn’t for whatever reason. Perhaps this is why I get so intense when I watch Jeopardy or play a board game or anything else competitive in nature.

This concept can be applied spiritually as well. As with any follower of Christ, I can look back at many times I “got it right”…and of course, there are many examples to look back on in which I got it very wrong. The Enemy will, of course, try to get us to focus on the latter, and the disparity between the two. I think it is an ingrained part of my disposition to allow that…to feel overwhelmed by my failures. That is probably why I respond so well to praise and encouragement. I forget about the good things I’ve done and am capable of, and feel such elation and validation when it is recognized by someone outside of myself.

3.
Anyways….Futility. This is where the balancing act on that fence really comes into play. In my Walk, the whole “seasons” concept is very frustrating and discouraging to me. I have “seasons” in which I am reading the Word, praying, pursuing righteousness, etc. Then there are seasons in which I go weeks or months not reading the Bible consistently, embracing sin instead of spurning it, and feeling completely ambivalent about righteousness. It feels like a cop-out to say that “that’s how it goes.” That we are in a war, and some battles are won…others are lost. The important thing is to keep trying.

Ahem….there I go, down that line of thinking. The ultimate destination of that train of thought is: Futility. So I must remind myself that many of these thoughts/feelings are tools the Enemy uses to discourage me so I become mired in them rather than charging forward boldly with confidence.

4.
All or Nothing – I tend to see myself this way.
• I did the 100 pushup program intensely for about 2 months….haven’t done pushups since
• I was running 2-3 miles every other day and lost 30-35 pounds between Feb-August and haven’t exercised since
• Blogging: as you may have noticed I imply that I desire to be consistent with the blog, but easily go weeks without a post and then BAM! A novella is born.
• Speaking of Novels (sorta)….in November I wrote 55,000 words on my novel…not a lick of work on it since. (To be fair, I have been intentionally following other NaNoWriMo writers’ advice to take a break in December, but still….)
• Jeopardy = I want to hear/read every clue and try my best to get them right, or turn off the TV….I don’t want to only pay half-attention.
• Etc., etc., etc……..

Well, this has turned into a bit of a soul-baring journal. That’s fine. I’m not embarrassed. Those who know me best, know that despite some of the “downer” concepts in this post, ya’ll know how fond of myself I am. My confidence and contentment might pass for arrogance to the casual observer, but at least I gladly give credit to the God who made me, the parents who raised me, the wonderful wife who loves me, and all the other friends and influences that I’ve met along the way for 32 years that have bettered me.

Oh yeah….I forgot…..I was trying to wrap this up, not ramble on.

The end.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T15:11:00.002-07:00

Aahhh....it's nice, long 4-day weekends like this that sometimes make me miss teaching. Can't get a better working schedule than that! (Aside from the fact that I became a workaholic and worked on all the days off....)

It's been a great Christmas morning (and why wouldn't it?). My parents (in town from CA) and Steve and Nikki came over a little after 7:30 so they could be here when the kids woke up. It seemed like there would be no end to the presents for the kids! Our family is very blessed...and not just monetarily. The kids and us are healthy. We've not felt terribly pinched by the "economic downturn/recession", and last night Connor was explaining the reason for Christmas: "It's Jesus' birthday. He came to live in our hearts!!" Yes!

Once the carnage from unwrapping settled, me and my bro hooked up the new Wii his wife surprised him with for Christmas. For the last 4 hours or so, we've been taking turns playing all the different sports games. Even mom and Connor had a go at the bowling.

Almost a year ago, I started thinking about how it would be great to make the move to a flat screen HDTV by January, 2009. I was still hoping for it until about a month ago, when it looked like that might not happen. But then....

So many great blessings rolled our way:
1. I was able to work a few extra times at church over the last month or so = a little extra $$
2. We got a nice bonus at work last week! I had gotten $100 each Christmas while I was teaching, so was hoping for something in that ballpark. Very happy to see it was quite a bit more than that!
3. My parents have given so much to my brother and I over the years...and this morning they gave us a nice chunk of cash.

So I'm looking into the differences between LCD and Plasma tv's, brands, and where to get the best deals.

I should have plenty of spare time on a 4-day weekend to blog a little, eh? I'll try. =)

Indecision

2008-12-22T07:17:00.002-07:00

Hi, remember me?

I was thinking of doing a post this weekend, when I hit an unexpected Wall of Indecision.
Do I post about the things that have been happening in my life? Or do I discuss weighty philosophical issues I've been kicking around. Or a mixture of both?

Unfortunately, I never decided which to do....soooo...may I impose on you for a moment? I'd like to poll my 4-5 readers and see what you would rather see me post about. I'm hoping that ya'll have my blog in your RSS feeds now, otherwise it might be a while before you decide to check back to see if I've posted yet.

Thanks!

Defeat, Then Victory

2008-11-30T20:03:00.006-07:00

Yesterday was what we call a "Bad Beat" - I was a loser.

Today, however, I'm a Winner! I passed 50,000 words on my novel. It's kinda neat how you do your "validation" process on Nano's website, and they address me as "Novelist". Technically, the novel isn't done yet, but it will be, and I gladly accept this feather in my cap. =)

This says 55k because I actually had about 55k words pre-November, and I just hit "Select All" on my word doc and posted it into Nano's word count validator. (Just to clarify)

Bad Beat Catharsis

2008-11-29T16:46:00.002-07:00

I feel like I have to write this out to decompress and calm down a bit. It’s all poker lingo, so if you’re not interested in poker (or in my thought process of what happened today), you can skip this one.

Not just a bad beat, but the worst beat I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been knocked out of tournaments before. My first time playing at Jerry’s, I had a flush, and Jerry himself knocked me out by rivering a Queen to make a full house. That was a pretty bad beat.

But this was worse for a couple reasons.
1. The stake for the game was higher than what I usually play
2. There were 30 good players in – lots of opportunity for hours of fun and learning
3. Being the first one out is just downright shameful!
4. I completely forgot about the philosophy of “Better to win small, than lose big” I only forgot it for about 30 seconds…but that was long enough.

The game:
30 players, deep-stack – starting with 50,000 in chips
The hand:
We’re about 40 minutes into the tourney, 2nd round of blinds. I’ve won a couple decent pots at this point, and lost one….so I’m about even with my starting stack.

My pre-flop situation:
A-4 clubs, middle position, 3rd to act
I raise 1,200 (3x the 400 blind)
Everyone else folds except 3rd position (under the gun) Steve – he just calls

Flop: 10d, Kc, Qc
Steve checks
I’m 4 to the flush, so I bet into it – 1,600
Steve raises – 3,000 more
I call

Turn: 9d
Steve checks
I check

River: 9c
Steve raises 9,000
(Before his raise, there is 10,600 in the pot)
I put him on a flush….only about 5% of me is worried about the full house possibility with the pair of 9’s
I hem and haw for a bit, acting a little scared because at this point I’m sure I’ve got him beat.
I go All-in
He calls very quickly

He turns over 10, J of clubs – straight flush, 9 to K – he wins, I go home
I didn’t even consider the double gut-shot
If any other club had come, I’d have won.
If any other non-club card had come, I wouldn’t have called his raise (having missed my flush)

Why I’m beating myself up:
There are three points in the game I could have saved myself.
1. Don’t even play A-4 this early in the game!
2. When he raises the 9,000 – I could fold, although it would have been because I’m worried about the full house
3. When he raises the 9,000 – I could just call, still a little worried about the full house, but confident in my (supposed) nut flush

Probably Option 3 is what I could have settled for. I would still have lost, but I would be left with about 27,000…hurt bad, but plenty alive to play tight for a couple hours, only getting in a hand with a monster.

In a sense, my read on Steve was right: I put him on a flush. I just failed to see/fear the possibility of the straight flush. This will probably haunt me for quite a while. But I hope this experience will also make me a better, smarter player. And the next time I’m in a tournament, you better believe I’m going to follow the philophy: “Better to win small, than lose big”

*Sigh*

My Thanksgiving Post

2008-11-28T16:37:00.004-07:00

Seems like there's been a lot more activity with peoples' blogs and Facebook, etc. over the last couple of days! I like it. =)

So here's how my week went:
My last post ended with me mentioning I was on my way to poker...and things went very well! Took 1st place for the 2nd time this month. So I'm feeling confident (not cocky) going in to the big tournament tomorrow (more on that later).

The bonus about staying late in the poker game (about 12:30) was knowing that I could sleep in on Thursday. That was wonderful...except for the fact that my body is pre-programmed to wake up, I guess in case the alarm doesn't go off. So after waking up at 6:30, then going back to sleep, I finally did get up at about 8:30. I stayed in my pajama bottoms and t-shirt outfit until about...ohhh...5:00 pm! =)

I spent the morning keeping the kids entertained so they wouldn't disturb mommy's sleep. I dinked around on the computer, watched the episode of Chuck I missed on Monday, and ate lunch a little after noon. My bro, Steve, came over and we played the board game of World of Warcraft that we have. It takes nearly a half hour to set up, and 3-4 hours to play...so we pretty much did that till dinner was ready around 5:30.

Now ya'll know I'm a picky eater, so it shouldn't be a big surprise that I wasn't experiencing the euphoria that everyone else seems to with all the "good" food. If you look on Wendy's blog, there's a picture I took of us eating dinner, and you can see that on my plate there's nothin' but a couple slices of turkey and a roll. BUT!...they were both yummy. =)

Anywho, like Wendy said, we played some other board games (she forgot to mention that I also won the game of Scattegories =P) and I went to bed around 11.

I wasn't terribly excited about going in to work, but was hoping for a slow-ish day and an early release. Both wishes granted! Our awesome new president came by before 9 and said we could leave at noon!

So I've enjoyed relaxing at home....even took a nap for about an hour! (which I rarely do.)

Tomorrow's docket: Accountability group in the morning, little bit more relaxing for a while, then off to my friend's big Thanksgiving poker tournament. I've really enjoyed getting to know him over the past year and a half, and he has taught me a HECK of a lot about poker...and a little about writing! Bonus!

There are 30 players, and a good-sized prize pool, so I'm going to play tight and hang in till the end...which will be a long time, since we're playing deep-stack. I'll probably try to send updates during the tournament 3pm - midnight? (MST) So keep an eye on my Facebook and Tumblr pages.

Ramblin'

2008-11-26T19:50:00.002-07:00

I don't really feel like I have a focused "topic", but haven't posted in a couple of days, and feel inclined to share something, but this might turn into a disjointed ramble.

I was hoping that they would let us go home early today, but as it turned out, I ended up being pretty busy. Nothing like a deadline to light a fire under you and make the hours go by quicker.

The last couple of days have been pretty slow word-count-wise on the novel. Fortunately I forged ahead vigorously the week before. I'm only about 3,400 away from the 50k mark, but at least 150k away from actually competing the story!

Well, I'm leaving to go play poker with my posse in a few minutes. I love Wednesdays. (Especially when I know I get to sleep in in the morning!)

Impossible? No problem

2008-11-23T21:41:00.002-07:00

I didn't do very well with the writing on Friday or Saturday. Only 638 and 1,446 words respectively. On Monday, I had set a goal of reaching 45,000 words for Sunday, BBT (Before Bedtime). Having those two "off" days left me with needing nearly 6,000 words needed today. Yipes!

15 minutes ago, I reached 45,007. What felt like an impossible goal got slapped up-side the head and told to obey me. Felt good.

Crossroads

2008-11-21T22:40:00.003-07:00

There are two sides to a coin.
Heads: My novel feels like it's progressing well, I see lots of potential, but I'm no where near done at 37,000 words. It feels like MAYBE 1/4 of the story.
Tails: NaNoWriMo ends in 9 days, and the goal of MOST people is to have a completed novel at the end (even if it is rubbish).

The crossroads I'm at is:
A) to decide to "hurry up" and finish the story, which would involve skipping around a bit and going back later to finish by filling in the gaps and beefing it up.

B) keep trucking on as feels natural to the story (and to my style of writing), and be satisfied as long as I have reached the 50,000 word goal for November; finish the story "properly" at my own pace.

Even before I was half-way through this post, I felt like I was already leaning towards B, but suffering from a bit of doubt.

Luckily NaNoWriMo has had 1-2 "pep talks" a week, that have been very insightful and inspirational. The latest one by Janet Fitch, author of "White Oleander", has helped me decide to make a decision. (I'm going with Option B)

Here's what she had this to say (if you're so inclined to read her pep talk):

"Dear Author,

It's happening. You're writing a blue streak. You're piling up the pages. You're roaring through this novel like a forest fire. Then suddenly you hit the immovable obstacle. WHAM. Ow. You're flat as a piece of typing paper, your mind as blank. Panic!

Whether you're taking a month or a year, this is always the question. What happens next?

Fiction is all about decisions. Let me give you a personal example. Working on White Oleander, I kept hitting this wall, about chapter 8. It was all going great, all the wheels in motion, and then WHAM. I just couldn't decide what to do next. I'd try this, try that, but each time I'd get stuck. The character would put her toe in and pull it out again. No, not that. Should I just bag it? Write a different book? Go to law school? Watch reruns of Hogan's Heroes? I was absolutely blocked at the crossroads.

Luckily I was seeing an amazing therapist at the time. I explained I was afraid that if I chose route 6, then I would be eliminating all the other possible routes. What if route 15 was better? Or 3 1/2 ? So I hedged. I couldn't commit. I was stuck. And she gave me the piece of advice which has saved my writing life over and over again, and I will give it to you, absolutely free of charge. She said, "I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision, you lose a world of possibilities. But the reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all."

So you have these options, but which one to go for? When in doubt, make trouble for your character. Don't let her stand on the edge of the pool, dipping her toe. Come up behind her and give her a good hard shove. That's my advice to you now. Make trouble for your character. In life we try to avoid trouble. We chew on our choices endlessly. We go to shrinks, we talk to our friends. In fiction, this is deadly. Protagonists need to screw up, act impulsively, have enemies, get into TROUBLE.

The difficulty is that we create protagonists we love. And we love them like our children. We want to protect them from harm, keep them safe, make sure they won't get hurt, or not so bad. Maybe a skinned knee. Certainly not a car wreck. But the essence of fiction writing is creating a character you love and, frankly, torturing him. You are both sadist and savior. Find the thing he loves most and take it away from him. Find the thing he fears and shove him shoulder deep into it. Find the person who is absolutely worst for him and have him delivered into that character's hands. Having him make a choice which is absolutely wrong.

You'll find the story will take on an energy of its own, like a wound-up spring, and then you'll just have to follow it, like a fox hunt, over hill, over dale.

GOOD WRITING!

Janet"

The Process

2008-11-20T23:32:00.002-07:00

As I mentioned previously, part of me wishes I was taking detailed notes, and journaling about this whole "writing a novel" process. Partially to look back on and see what I've learned, how I've grown. But I must also confess that there is a small percentage of me that sees that as marketable "wow" factor for when the book is a best-seller, and people are interviewing me about "the process".

I think often of my literary hero, Professor Tolkien. I have read numerous examples of this kind of thing, where Tolkien was writing to his son, Christopher, or his editor, Unwin, or a friend. He talks about how for a long time he was stalled when the Fellowship got to Moria, and he just had no idea what to do next. Or how Melkor (the Vala who was Sauron's master a looooong time before the third age) was originally named Melko. How/when/why did the name change?

I think of these kind of things as my novel already, in just the few short weeks, has gone through a metamorphosis and leaves me balancing on a precipice of "Oh! That's exciting, I wonder what that's all about." and "What the...? That's stupid! I hate this part, gotta change it later..."

In order to keep up with word count goals, I've been trying not to get hung up on thinking up good name choices (which includes a lot of research in linguistics in the 20 or so languages I'm looking at). I'm just quickly coming up with a "place-holder" name that I can go back and fix later. But the vast number of "place-holder" names is starting to overwhelm me. I can't even remember them from paragraph to paragraph, so I'm starting to keep a "continuity log" to keep track of all these weirdos.

Oh look! It's 11:42....gotta get up for work in a little over 6 hours, so I'm turning in. Got 6 hours of writing done today! 5,000 words!!! I can sleep well. =)

Cosette

2008-11-20T12:07:00.003-07:00

Me: Look at you! You're so cute!
Cosette: Ya?
Me: Ya...you know we love you, huh?
Cosette: Ummm...noo...
Me: What? You know we love you. Of course, it helps that you're so cute.
Cosette: Just a little bit...

I Got Nothin'

2008-11-19T23:06:00.002-07:00

Apparently, I got nothin' going on in my poker game tonight. I won 1st place last week. And this week I'm second out. And I come home early, a little bummed, but thinking "Hey, at least I have time to get some writing done." But I'm feeling so dang tired right now, I don't want to think any more. I got over 2,000 words done earlier, so I'm actually ahead of target.

That's all. I got nothin'.

Tangents or Plot Twists?

2008-11-18T19:11:00.002-07:00

So I'm starting to make good progress on the novel. (Which, by the way, has a working title: "Exile" - which you'd know if you've visited my profile on NaNoWriMo)
As of "write" now (7:15pm MST), I'm only about 1,500 words shy of the "on-track" number to keep the pace. As soon as I finish this blog update, I'm going to get back at it. I'm giving up watching House and Fringe tonight - two shows I like a whole heckuva lot! - in order to get caught up, and maybe even forge ahead.

On a related note, I made a similar sacrifice today at lunch. Some of the folks in my department were heading out to eat for lunch, and I wasn't terribly excited about the PB&J I had brought, so that was tempting. But I opted to stay, eat my PB&J, and do some writing. It paid off, because I got a lot of writing done! (And saved some $$$ by not eating out)

I was thinking today that I only have 12 days left! And I have close to 22,000 words left to reach 50,000. That *GULP* moment hopefully inspire me to crank out words this week and try to get ahead, so I don't wind up putting my head through a wall at some point.

I really would like to capture some of my thoughts about this process more, but already feel the ticking of the clock. So...back to the novel.

Extreme vs. Mundane

2008-11-17T18:53:00.003-07:00

Something I've thought for...well, ever: Extremes are easy, subtle and mundane is difficult. Yet, people fear extremes and seek the "comfort" of mediocrity. Allow me to explain...(or don't allow me. Just try to stop me!)

The most obvious example that I think about most often, is living for Christ. Ever since that story of the girl who had a gun put to her head and asked if she believed in God, I've wondered how I would react in a similar situation. Not to sound cocky about something I most likely will never experience, and can't 100%-for-sure know how I'd react....but...to me that sounds easy. And some guy named Peter, who started the Church even missed that one. I know.

When faced with such a black and white choice like that. And with sin...could I all of a sudden, one day kill someone to take their money, out of anger, etc? No. The sin that I succumb to isn't the hit-over-the-head extreme circumstances, it's the daily subtle mundane choices of everyday life.

Perhaps that's part of what draws me to fantasy/sci-fi fiction. Or even the action flicks I love like Lethal Weapon and Die Hard. These fictional realms are extreme black vs. white scenarios. The choices characters make may be difficult, but usually they're clear. They are exaggerations of the mundane choices we make every day.

That's where I fail. The little, subtle, mundane choices. The slow death of the soul. Thinking like this tempts me to seek a life of risk and extreme adventure. I'm not talking about dangerous thrill-seeking like base-jumping or becoming an MMA fighter. I mean escaping my mundane "safe" life and go onto the front lines of spiritual warfare. It's something more than just idealistic romanticism of watching too many movies. There is a sleeping warrior inside me, that is itching for the opportunity and guts to kick some ass. (Spiritually speaking, of course.)

I'm excited about the next study my accountability group is going to be starting next week. We're going to read through "The Way of the Wild Heart" by John Eldredge. I think I read his earlier book, "Wild at Heart" about 7-8 years ago, and it was good.

Whew, got a little heavier than usual. But its cathartic to vent.

Whoopsie...

2008-11-16T15:19:00.002-07:00

Just realized that I didn't have a post yesterday. Not my fault! Really! I ended up spending the day in Denver, and didn't get home till about 10:30 pm. Like I mentioned in my Friday evening post (not to be confused with the Saturday Evening Post..lol), I was hoping to get in some quality time with Brian and Tyler who were in town for the night.

It was a blast hanging out with them. Lunch, Opera audition (for Tyler), Nickel arcade, Trip to airport (again...for Tyler), Bowling, then home. I was on fire with the witty banter, and was quite pleased with myself (as were the others). =)

BUT....the consequence: I only got about 500 words written yesterday, and I was already a couple thousand behind. Before my head hits the pillow tonight, I'm "supposed" to be at 26,667. Currently, I'm at 19,581...yipes. I'm realistic enough to know I'm not going to get 6,000 tonight, but I'm feeling optimistic and ambitious enough to at least try for 3,000.

The NaNoWriMo folks are supportive and encouraging, and we get 1-2 "pep talk" emails per week, so they are basically saying: "It's ok if you're behind...don't give up!"

So, I'm going to get off the internet now, and get writing.

Plans Change

2008-11-14T18:23:00.002-07:00

Since most of my followers also follow Wendy, I imagine you've heard/read by now that the last 24 hours have held 2 very unpleasant events that have impacted Wendy quite a bit.

1. Witnessing a neighbor screaming in despair and crumble after her husband committed suicide last night.
2. Wendy's mom and step-dad rolling over their truck and camper/trailer a couple hours ago in Wyoming

(See her blog for full scoops)

My "plan" was to head up to Denver right after work to hang out with BFF Brian, who's there for the weekend. Then probably stay overnight, and come back to the Springs so he can see our new place and the kids, etc.

While I was on the phone with Wendy, she started to cry and say she couldn't handle the thought of me a) traveling with weather/driving conditions the way they are and b) being away for the night.

I knew the right decision, obviously. But to be honest, a part of me was crushed. I was really looking forward to hanging out with Bri, we always have been really connected, and we have a lot to talk about and catch up on. He's still going to come down for a while tomorrow, but...ya know.

So as I'm driving home, I'm trying to focus on loving my wife, and being selfless, but there's that nagging little voice saying "But...!"

In order to trying and squelch that lil' nagger, I turn up the radio (which I had turned down while on the phone), and the first thing I hear is this line: "I'm letting go of the life I planned for me..." (Song: I'm Letting Go by Francesca Battistelli)

And I'm like, "Woah." That did it. So before I got home God changed my heart and attitude. Aside from the benefit of being in the right frame of mind to not have an attitude and be able to love my wife the way she needs right now, I also saw some bright side points, like: 1) gonna save money on gas and food, 2) won't add to the exhaustion I'm already feeling, 3) get to up my word count tonight for NaNoWriMo, which otherwise I'd have zero words today.

Even though the circumstances are difficult, I'm most moved at how quickly and powerfully God moved in me personally today. Thanks, Abba.

Two in a Row!

2008-11-13T21:11:00.002-07:00

Yep...it's possible for me to follow through on commitments! I said I was going to try and blog every day, and so far I've made it two days now. (whew!)

I've only written about 500-600 words so far today, and it's already past 9:00. I'm thoroughly exhausted, because two nights this week I've stayed up till 12:00 or 12:30 trying to get caught up on my word count. And then last night (Wednesday) was my poker night. The good news is, I made that worthwhile by winning 1st place...that felt good. The bad news is, I got home at 12:45, and went straight to bed: with ZERO words written for the day.

Tonight, we bid adieu to my MIL who is heading back on the road tomorrow morning. We had dinner at Red Lobster, then they came over to our place for a few minutes. Then I HAD to watch Office, of course.

This week, Brian (best friend/best man) is going to be in Denver. So I'm going up to hang out Friday night, then he is coming back down to the Springs to check out our place and hang out...not sure if we're going to do anything in particular...but I know I won't be writing....putting me even FURTHER behind. I'm running the computer/video for church on Sunday...but have nothing else scheduled for the rest of the day. So I hope to plan to get several hours of writing done on Sunday...there's even an official "write-in" scheduled with other NaNoWriMo authors in the area.

So that's where I'm at right now. Ok, back to the novel...

NaNoWriMo

2008-11-12T15:08:00.004-07:00

Those are the letters occupying 87% of my consciousness at present. For those who haven't been following my FB updates, on Nov. 1st I embarked on the journey best captured by this sentiment: "It's crazy, it'll never work, when do I start?"

NaNoWriMo = National Novel Writer's Month.
Apparently, for the last 10 years, this has been going on every year in November. A friend from church told me about it when I mentioned to him that I was trying to write a novel. The goal of nano is to write 50,000 words in November. That's about the size of Animal Farm by George Orwell, and other research indicates that an average fiction novel runs 60k-110k. I looked up Riven, by Jerry Jenkins, which Wendy and I read recently, and that's about 145k or something.

I'm going to try and add a nano widget that shows my wordcout, I've got that going on my FB profile already. Right now I'm just under 16,000. I never woulda thunk it! Before embarking on this nano experience, I spent 6-8 months to come up with 5,000 words. A lot of that time I spent doing research, day-dreaming about what kind of story I wanted to do, and creating a map of the world it would take place in.

I've felt bad for neglecting the blog, though. And a lot of advice I've been hearing from people, and reading on the internet, is related to the blog experience.

1) It's important to try and write every day, even if it's junk you throw out later.
2) It's important to update your blog often so that you develop web-presence, establish a following, and eventually help market yourself.

If you would like to see my nano profile, and read an excerpt, etc. go to the website and register. It's easy and free, just need an email address and password. Then click on the "Authors" tab and enter my user name: realdealneal

Goodbye, October

2008-10-31T13:04:00.002-06:00

Sorry for taking so long for another post. (Not that I've heard any complaints!) And this isn't gonna be an audio one, because I'm doing this one from work on my lunch break.

It's pretty loose around here today. I guess cuz of Halloween. There was a potluck and several people dressed up. Today I'm 3-hole-punch-Josh (ala "The Office").

So, I'm on my last day of my cleanse program. Or maybe yesterday was...I caved and got some food here at lunch, and we're going out for pizza tonight cuz a friend is moving away. I don't think I'm cut out for a lifestyle of HUNGRY-ALL-THE-TIME, so this isn't going to be a regular thing for me.

But I was still pretty surprised when I got on the scale this morning to be greeted by a number combination I haven't seen since I was 17: 182. Really? I've been faithfully drinking the shakes, taking the pills, drinking the cleanse drink stuff; but a couple of times I've had to get "real food" on my way to church straight from work or whatever. So I thought that might've messed things up, yet somehow I lost 2 pounds since yesterday (184 yesterday morning).

So I'll finish drinking the stuff today, and that'll be that. Glad I did it....maaaaybe would do it again in a year or two or three if it feels like good timing. Otherwise, I'm gonna stick with keeping portion sizes down, minimal soda, exercising. As one of my favorite profs from Biola, Jerry Gruendyke, used to often say: "That's what we call 'A Good Deal'."

(p.s. Jeri - is that punctuation right? with the period where it is?) =)

Audio Blog Attempt

2008-10-22T22:48:00.002-06:00

Just changed where the file is hosted...and confirmed with Wendy that it works now! (Although she says I talk to slow.)

Audio Blog Post

Ack...

2008-10-21T18:22:00.003-06:00

Went back to work today...so this was my Monday....and boy did it act like one.

First of all, major bummer: Godspell's been cancelled. Vanguard is pulling back a bit to get expenses under control. Too bad I bought the CD and an audition book last week. I've been getting pretty psyched over the last couple weeks, but I guess I'll just put that on the shelf and hope they try again next year.

Second, I'm still sick...so that's fun. I'm gonna try to suck it up and go run tonight, though. Mental toughness....yea, dawg!

Third, Today was my first day on the cleanse program. Shake for breakfast, sandwich for lunch, just finished my shake for dinner. I'm gonna be dreaming about steak and fried chicken tonight. I also drank about 90-100 ounces of water today (so far), and peed more often than I remember ever doing before! Tomorrow is another "shake day" and then Thursday I switch to the cleanse drink stuff.

I'm probably gonna sack out early tonight. I'm only about 50 pages away from the end of Two Towers, so I might power through that and start on ROTK tomorrow.

Lazybones*

2008-10-20T22:43:00.002-06:00

*name of a sweet jazz/blues song (on Harry Connick's "25" album)

I feel a bit like a "Lazybones" 1) because I haven't updated my blog in 9 days, and 2) because I stayed home from work today cause this cold is kicking my butt...but I didn't accomplish anything. I did what I was supposed to do when you're sick: I rested. I actually have a hard time sleeping during the day, but I spent several hours in bed, and actually slept! That's a sure sign that I'm sick.

I'm going to be in a few minutes (it's about 10:45 as I type this), and am actually feeling a bit better. I'm going to continue taking my over-the-counter meds, but I'm going to try going to work tomorrow. I know there are people out there that like to "milk it", even when there's a legitimate reason for skipping work, but I've always hated missing school/work/etc. I think I missed maybe 2-3 days of school during my 4 years in high school. When I was teaching, we had 10 "sick/personal" days allotted to us each year. The only time I used any of those days, is when Connor was born I took a week off. Other than that I had maybe (again) 2-3 days that I "stayed home sick" during the 4 years I taught.

Anyways, I haven't mentioned this on here yet, but in another phase of attack on my body, I'm starting a "cleanse" program tomorrow. It's called Isagenix. A guy at church that I met on the men's retreat in August has done it a few times and signed me up. Weight loss is more of a side-effect with this. The main purpose is to "cleanse" the body of all the toxins, chemicals, etc. we've got in our bodies. I'll be sure to give updates on how that goes. I'm not going to talk about it on Facebook though, just here.

I'm also less than 100 pages away from finishing The Two Towers, which I'm "scheduled" to finish by Thursday for the Tolkien Reading Quest. Yay me!

I'm auditioning for Godspell next week! I'm hoping this cold goes away soon so I can practice full voice and be confident physically. I'm not 100% on a song yet. They only want 16 bars (industry standard), and I'm leaning towards auditioning with a non-Godspell song. I'm thinking "Any Dream Will Do" from Joseph or (if I'm ballsy enough) "Who Am I?" from Les Mis. I kind of like the idea of belting out: "2-4-6-0-OOOOOONNNNNEE!!!" =)

That's all for now. Come back again. (When your RSS feed reader tells you I've updated)

Time = Dime

2008-10-11T18:07:00.003-06:00

Most people probably aren't familiar with this phrase (since I'm making it up right now), but "I've got the time, so I'm gonna drop a dime" and give ya'll an update on the haps. (Nice blend of urban jive and country drawl, eh?(Canadian))

It's only been one week, so this still counts as a regular update...I just decided.

Anyway, since I'm rigorously boring and rooted in structure, I'm gonna skip intelligent-sounding prose and go for list format. To wit...

1. I'm so close to being productive. I can't believe it's actually been more than 2 weeks since I last played Starcraft (only one mission away from completing the Zerg missions), and have been tackling other projects. I've scanned 650 photos so far (mostly high school and years 1-2 of my Biola years.) Also, I'm want to get all the Biola Chorale and Winds concerts I have into digital format so I can share them with everyone.

2. TRQ (Tolkien Reading Quest) So far, it's going splendidly. I finished The Hobbit a couple days ahead of schedule...and as of right now, I am on the last chapter of FOTR - which is "due" by Monday. No sweat.

3. High Quest - I don't think I've shared about this yet on my blog. Over a year ago (August, 2007) on the Men's retreat, I met a couple guys with whom I started an accountability group. 14 months later, we're still meeting...every Saturday at 8:00 am. It's awesome. For the majority of the time, we had a loose structure: each guy share's what's going on with them, then prayer. At this year's men's retreat in early September, we decided to "step it up a notch" and go through a study together. A lot of guys in the church do the High Quest thing, so we're doing it...and it's been good.

4. Work: lots of changes - hopefully for the better! It's a long, complicated story (especially for those not familiar with the government contracting industry) but let's see if I can sum it up briefly and clearly. Here's the corporate structure: Nana Development Corporation -> owns 4 management companies (of which my company, KPSG, is one) -> each management company has under it anywhere from 4-15 subsidiary companies.

Basically, almost a year ago, to help improve performance and cut costs, Nana (top of the food chain) decided to merge it's 4 management companies into 2 management companies. So, we (KPSG) are being absorbed into one of the larger platforms. Due to many unknowns, they can't guarantee us job security, but they're saying 99%, because the contracts we manage are still active and need support...so we're logical choices, already being in place.

Whew! That's a mouthful, and I don't blame you if you skimmed all that. Essentially, this "re-org" is to take place over the next year. So we'll see how things sit in September, 2009. At least I recently got a 6% raise to help this next year out!

5. The Novel - ach...now I feel sheepish. I've had 2 people so far send me back some great feedback/suggestions. Perhaps I erred in deciding to wait to write more until after receiving feedback from most (if not all)...for I fear the "bug" has left me. I haven't added a word to my story in a month!! It is in no danger of being abandoned. In fact, if anything, this TRQ I'm on is inspiring and stirring me to dive back into my own world.

6. Lastly, just for fun...a guy is building a model city of Minas Tirith out of matchsticks! Looks pretty cool!

Week Wrap

2008-10-04T13:04:00.002-06:00

(Or is it a weak rap?)

So, I was thinking today that other than the couple of people I've shared with this week (Wendy and Jonah...that's about it!), everyone else that knows me probably has no idea what I've been up to recently. So I'm going to go out on a limb here, and assume someone cares, and tell you. =)

Work-wise, I was pretty busy. Lots of stuff happened that I won't bore you with, but can be summed up with these three point: 1) I got to visit Peterson Air Force Base to out-process employees on a contract that was ending (including free lunch at Chili's!); 2) I almost had an opportunity to got to Ft. Knox, Kentucky to help in-process 17 new employees for a new contract; and 3) it was generally a very busy, somewhat-stressful week...and I was quite exhausted.

On top of work, I'm running sound for church this week, which includes running the Wednesday night service and the practices for Sunday. This week included extra rehearsals on Thursday night and today (Saturday). So...more time not at home.

On the funner side of things....via Netflix this week I watched the re-make of "3:10 to Yuma" and "The Golden Compass". Also, I've been scanning like the Dickens...something I've been wanting to get done for years. I started with high school photos, and am well into my 2nd year at Biola now. I know some folks are eager to finally see them after years of teasing about doing this. It's coming.....soon.

Though most friends/family may not care, I'm also doing very well in Fallen Sword. I'm a high-ranking leader of an established guild, and things are going swimmingly. I'm also just one mission away from completing the Zerg missions on Starcraft.

So, I've gotta leave in about a half hour to run sound for rehearsal at church. But hey, I finally did an update! *pats self on back*

TRQ and Unbreakable 2?

2008-09-26T18:35:00.004-06:00

So far the Hobbit reading has been going well. I've also enjoyed the Hobbit-related status updates I've been doing on FB. =) I'm about half-way through now.

Just came across this article that hints at a possibility of a sequel to Unbreakable...definitely one of Shyamalan's best. Sounds like it's still a bit too ambiguous to get excited about yet.

Serenity

2008-09-24T21:20:00.003-06:00

I finally got Serenity via Netflix today. There will be spoilers in this post.

My reaction: thanks a lot, you sadists who convinced me to watch all 14 episodes of Firefly, and then this movie. Now I shall be haunted by the desire for a show that was canceled well before its time.

As for the movie itself, I think I had to squelch a little of the temptation I get to scold the makers of movie-from-a-tv-show for having to spend part of the movie "explaining" a lot of things that are already common knowledge, in an attempt to help it be a "stand-alone" film. Other than a slightly slower, slightly frustrating pacing during the first 30-45 minutes I was ok with it. Some of the writing wasn't quite as good as the tv show either...not as much playful banter. I suppose they were intentionally going

The only other negative factor I felt was that the characters seemed a little different from the series. My understanding that the movie was supposed to basically pick up where the series left off, but maybe I have that wrong. Mal was a lot meaner and antagonistic (especially with Simon) then he eventually became in the course of the tv show...so that seemed a little "off" to me.

One thing I thought was kind of interesting was what the writing process for the movie must have been like for the creative team, knowing that it was the end of the road; no going back to carrying on the tv show indefinitely. I'm guessing that's what freed them up to make choices like killing off main characters.

I especially liked the twist of bringing the Reaver fleet on top of the Alliance fleet. I think I giggled a little bit. There was a tad too much unbelievability in Mal's ability to fight such a highly-trained assassin, and to take such a beating/shooting/stabbing, and still be 80-90% functional, but that's what makes him the heroic archetype, I guess.

All in all...a good movie, darn it. I'm left wanting more.

Multi-topic Update

2008-09-22T16:12:00.002-06:00

I've been pretty lazy about sharing what's going on in my life, mind, heart, DVD player, etc....I know many of you are in anguish, wanting...nay, NEEDING to know what's going on with me. Fortunately I'm uploading a photo to Tumblr once in a while and sending a quick FB update often, so it's not a complete vacuum.

Topics: Marriage, Novel, TRQ, Pushups, God stuff

1. Marriage
Wendy and I are coming up on magic #7! Now let's see, what is it they say happens at 7 years of marriage? Oh...right: you get itchy. So far, no rash or other like symptoms...no itch for me. =) We had grandiose dream-anniversary events flitting through our minds: Royal Gorge train ride, B&B somewhere in the mountains, weekend in NY? But practicality reigns...we're going to "splurge" and do dinner and a movie. We're gonna do a nicer restaurant of course, but we're not above using coupons to do so. =)

2. The Novel
I've gotten some Fan-tastic (if I may presume to call you fans) responses from a couple people so far, with great comments and much-needed corrections. I haven't worked much on the story in the last couple weeks. Maybe the same laziness/procrastination applies here as well. I'm looking forward to make some edits and then pressing on.

3. TRQ = Tolkien Reading Quest
I knocked out the first two chapters of The Hobbit during lunch today, so I've officially begun "The Quest"! Hopefully it doesn't distract too much from "The Novel."

4. Pushups
Oy....this parade got rained on, flooded and trampled. Week 5 kicked my keister. I've been in the 3rd (read=tough guy) column the whole way through, but couldn't do week 5....twice!!! Grrr...I'm starting my third try of week 5 tonight, I don't know what's going on, but I feel so freaking weak now...hopefully this is just a "normal" plateau that I'll get past soon.

5. God stuff
I shared with a friend from church recently, that the term I'm feeling like applying to my life right now is: Awakening (or perhaps Re-Awakening). I think I was an "asleep" Christian for a good number of years after graduating from Biola. Just on cruise control. This last year has brought so many paradigm shifts in my thinking, it's as though I'm discovering God and life as a Christian for the first time. Any arrogance or assumptive thinking I had developed as Christian who had thought he'd arrived at a "comfortable" position of knowledge has been gradually getting stripped away.

"Brokenness" is a term I've always disliked. I think I always had put it in a context of being "broken" by life circumstances, sin, etc....an emotional basket-case kind of image. Bug recently I've been applying it to myself in the sense that God has broken down everything I thought I "knew" about him, life, relationships, holiness...the list goes on. Duh. I've never been a very emotional person, so it makes sense that my "brokenness" is intellectual and spiritual.

Ok, I feel like I'm rambling now...so let me bring it to a close.
Wendy has been a real inspiration/teaching-agent for me as well. I thought I was the reader of the family! She's been voraciously devouring (and applying) book after book...and not sci-fi/fantasy fiction(which is what I usually devour), but heavy, life-changing non-fiction books by some of the greatest Christian authors! We're starting to talk more openly about our spirituality...and other aspects of our relationship with each other and with God.

It's a good place right now.

House...and TRQ

2008-09-18T13:59:00.002-06:00

Ok, my brain must've gotten zapped...cuz I completely forgot that House premiered on Tuesday. I missed it because I was running sound at church for a special event ("Would Jesus Go Green?"), but I had intended on watching it online asap. So, guess I'll do that tonight. I also got Hitman from Netflix...that's for after the kids are in bed.

TRQ: Tolkien Reading Quest

Several Tolkien aficionados are planning on reading through about 22 books related to Tolkien and Middle-earth, starting on 9-22 (Monday). It's actually been a few years since I've re-read The Hobbit and LOTR...and I've never read several of the HoME series, so I think this is a good opportunity to do so, along with the camaraderie and motivation of discussion.

I don't expect any of my half-dozen regular readers to join in this "Quest", but I'm thinking about creating a separate blog (quick-update format, like Tumblr) to make posts directly relating to the reading quest. Although, I barely have a few readers here as it is....we'll see.

R.I.P.

2008-09-15T09:38:00.001-06:00

Rest in pieces...

Dharma Wants YOU!!!

2008-09-12T21:49:00.003-06:00

I've been taking the recruit tests on www.dharmawantsyou.com and want to ask everyone I know to sign up as a recruit. Why? Because I just created a multiple-choice test as a part of the Dharma Initiative's Volunteer Recruitment Program.

Name of the test: Language Appreciation Appraisal

There are 10 multiple-choice questions for you to answer.

You can access the test here

For each registered recruit that completes the test, I'll get 50 Dharma Points to help towards my overall result.

Uh-oh

2008-09-11T08:25:00.001-06:00

Remember that Large Hadron Collider that had potential to do some damage? Check out the live webcam to see what's happening: LHC webcam

Goodbye, Life As We Know It

2008-09-09T20:12:00.004-06:00

I wanted to take this opportunity to bid a fond adieu to planet Earth and its inhabitants, on the off chance that the world ends tomorrow, Wednesday, September 10. If you hadn't heard yet (a direct relation to your level of geekiness, I suppose), the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) has been completed, and will fire up in about 5 hours from this post. The project started in 1995, and cost somewhere between 4-6 billion euros.

I'm not scientific-minded enough to accurately explain exactly what it does (and you probably wouldn't understand if I could), but basically what I understand is that it's going to explore theoretical particle physics...and (here's the kicker) could possibly create a small (tiny?) black hole.

Ummm...black holes. Those mysteries of science that no one really knows what they are, how they're created, or what would happen if one suddenly showed up in Switzerland.

Here's a CNN article that describes it better. (And denounces the black hole danger as "baloney")

[Update: 3 hours later]
Just saw one of my regular online comics following the same train of thought!:

Fall TV Premieres

2008-09-08T14:52:00.003-06:00

I have plenty of interests that I don't feel like I have time for (reading, Starcraft, poker, writing my novel, etc.), but I still want to give some of the new shows a chance. Some of them actually look pretty interesting. There's a scary caveat here, though: every new show that I've liked and started to really get into...gets cancelled. Like I'm some sort of fan-curse. (Blind Justice, Day Break, Journeyman)

So here are the new shows I'm interested in giving a chance to see if they're worthy of me dooming them to cancellation (in chronological premiere date order):

Fringe (X-Files-ish?)
The Eleventh Hour (Yay, Rufus Sewell!)
My Own Worst Enemy (Slight reservations about Slater's acting ability to pull off the dual-identity)

**Special new show notes: I did watch the Knight Rider pilot last February, and was mildly interested, but the acting and writing was pretty bad....so not too keen on following as of now.
Also, I've watched one or two episodes of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (which I was pretty excited about when they first released trailers for the show) and the jury's still out on this one too. I might Hulu this series, to get caught up and feel whether I'm in or not.

And of course, there are my returning favorites that I'm also looking forward to their premieres: Office, House, Chuck, Life, CSI:Miami, Numb3rs, Lost

Funny

2008-09-06T09:57:00.003-06:00

Here're a couple pics that made me lol. They're from a series by my favorite online comics guy Drew. The pics are from here, but be warned, some crude stuff is mixed in. (Although some of the crude stuff is pretty funny too!)

Men's Retreat (Week late post)

2008-08-29T11:03:00.002-06:00

I know I only have female readers (or at least, no guys ever post comments - other than myself, of course). But, a blessing is a blessing, and perhaps the female readers would be interested in hearing how Men's Retreat was this weekend? I'll take your silence as a "yes." [EDIT: I wanted to post this the very next day (Monday), but for some reason it's taking me all week to type a little at a time for this post! - probably doesn't help that I'm going into a lot of detail....loooong post!]

The theme for the retreat was "Obtaining Integrity Amidst Our Sin".

Since I think in chronological terms, let me break it down that way....

Steve and I were driving up together, so Wendy dropped me off at work so she could have the car for the weekend. Steve picked me up around 5:30 and we got some BK for din-din on the way up the mountain. Check-in time was 5-7, and we arrived at 7:05; so we were probably the last people to check in. We barely had time to throw our stuff in our room and get down to the campfire circle as worship was starting at 7:15...and Steve and I were to start speaking at 7:45!!

Oh, background on that for those who don't know....Last year at retreat (obviously our first with Vanguard) Steve and I shared some personal struggles, etc. (I'm being intentionally vague) at a group session that radically changed us for this past year. A month or two before retreat, the men's ministry leader, Scott, asked us if we would speak at the opening session. Apparently, all of the church leadership were really impressed and moved by our sharing last year and felt we would be a good kick-off for this year's retreat! I had no idea.

So, back to our timeline....Steve and I hadn't really felt like we had time to decompress from work, but we stepped away briefly before as worship was starting and prayed together, asking God to speak to the men's hearts, since we didn't feel like our words were much. So, we shared, and then another surprise: Scott asked all the men to surround us, lay on hands, and pray over us. It was pretty incredible.

All of that wrapped up by 8:45, and then everyone headed over to a gym for Rec time! There were two options: Basketball or Dodgeball. On the first Monday night of each month, the men's ministry has a BYOM (Bring Your Own Meat) where we grill up dinner and then do something fun. Often that has included dodgeball...which has been tremendous fun....and exhausting! When you get 20-40 men (half on each side) with 15-20 balls going nuts trying to bean everybody, it's chaotic and a lot of fun. We did that for 2.5 hours!

Needless to say, we were all very tired and sore the next morning. I didin't get to sleep until a little after 1 am, but still got myself up at 6:00 so I could have a nice devotion time watching the sun rise before 7:00 am breakfast. The morning plan was to have the 60-70 men break up into 3 groups and rotate to the three different break-out sessions. All three were very impacting and meaningful. (I'd go so far as to say better than last year's sessions)

Lunch was some half-decent tacos. Then after lunch....more Rec time! The plan was to choose Volleyball or Ultimate Frisbee. I chose volleyball (like I did last year), and I don't think the Ultimate Frisbee happened, because I thought I noticed guys playing horseshoes and kickball instead....not sure, I was pretty focused. I think volleyball is a sport that I apparently really enjoy, and wouldn't mind doing more regularly. (And I'm pretty decent at it too!)

Rec time was supposed to be 1:30 - 5:00, but at 3:00ish we got sent indoors by high winds and rain! At the tail-end of our volleyball session, we noticed funnel clouds forming, and later found out that tornadoes had been spotted in the area! So a lot of guys opted for naps or other such relaxing. I did a little reading, some crosswords, and my pushups. I was 100% convinced I wasn't going to be able to complete my set for the day since I was reeeeeally sore from dodgeball and volleyball and lack of sleep. Somehow, I forced myself to do it. (I also took longer breaks in between each set) I was pretty fried at the end though; for some reason I seem to be really insistent on pushing my body past it's limits with this pushup program....Wendy can attest to the times I've groaned and screamed and collapsed at some of my sessions. I've even had to take advil the next morning on a couple occasions when my muscles/joints hurt so much. But I digress.......

Dinner was some mediorcre meat (pot roast and pork)....I don't think I ate much. Then more worship and sharing around the campfire. We wrapped up around 10pm, and many guys opted to hang out, talk, play games, etc. But I opted to read a little bit and hit the sack early (If you can call 11pm early).

Sunday I got up early again for Devos....after breakfast we had our "God Stroll" time. I took off, and headed for the hills. I had a nice little hike, and made sure I was not with in visual/audible range of anyone. Good time, but when I got back to the lodge for our communion time...it was deserted! No one at the lodge, no one at the campfire circle, no one in the dining area.....fortunately a camp staff person pointed me in the right direction. I was a little late getting back I guess, and the group had gone to a little outdoor chapel area in a part of the camp I hadn't been to yet.

They had already started when I got there. The tradition for Sunday morning communion at men's retreat is to take a piece of bread and "shot" of wine to someone and share something with them about how they impacted you this weekend, or some other sort of encouragement. Apparently, a couple people had been looking for me (since I was late) and I got approached by four guys in a row! So that was neat. Then I had time to grab some bread and wine, and go share with a couple guys too.

After that, a little prayer, a couple announcements then: go home! It was kinda cool being done early. Steve and I loaded up and left around 11:00. Originally, Steve was just going to drop me off at home, but I realized that Kelly (our pastor) would just be starting his sermon around 11:45, so I had him drop me off at church. Wendy was surprised when I sat next to her about half way through his sermon. It was cool, because even though I felt a bit drained from the weekend, I still was able to plug into the worship time after the sermon and really enjoyed it.

I'll share more of what God's been speaking to me at, and since, the retreat in a separate post since I'm reaching the limit for a novella here. I'd like to try and get more readers, but this post might be too daunting for first time readers? So, enjoy: Wendy, Jeri, Jenny, Kristen! (And maybe 1 or 2 lurkers?) =)

I Can't Believe Billy Boyd is 40!

2008-08-28T11:05:00.001-06:00

My Apologies

2008-08-22T10:20:00.003-06:00

I must apologize ahead of time for this post. I'll give the warning disclaimer here, don't read on if you're squeamish. I'll try to take up some more space so you can avoid the punchline if you wish. Still reading? Ok, don't say I didn't warn you. I briefly scan my spam folder in email to double check that nothing's in there that I actually want. I couldn't help but giggle quite a bit when I saw this email subject title: Paris Hilton's vagina bites mailman.

What the...?

(Jeri, please share with Ric, as I'm sure he'd giggle with me.)

An Athleticism Post

2008-08-21T13:18:00.003-06:00

Remember that really good swimmer from the Olympics? Here's a funny Onion Headline.

Also in the world of athleticism, a 100 pushups update.
Last night was poker night, so after dinner, I did some more photo organizing on the computer for an hour or so until Wendy got back from her class at church so I could take off. I ended up chopping/winning at around 12:30, and went to bed pretty soon after getting home....and forgot to do my pushups for Week 3, Day 2!

I realized it this morning, and went ahead and did them right after getting up. Uuuuunnngggghhhhhh.....I don't know if it's just because the program doesn't "plateau" at a comfortable level, but keeps pushing you past your comfort zone, but I actually felt a little nauseous afterwards for a while. My five sets were: 27, 19, 19, 15, 27(max) for a total of 107.

Now I'll be playing it by ear to see if I go back to the "schedule" of doing my next day's worth of pushups on Friday night....or just do them on Saturday, and push my whole 6 weeks back a day? Either way, I'll be doing them while on the Men's Retreat with church, so I'm sure I'll have some explaining to do. =)

Gah....

2008-08-18T16:03:00.001-06:00

Creepy headline of the day:

Baby pronunced dead comes back to life minutes before burial
(Click to go to article for full story)

Specific Goals + Consistency = Success

2008-08-17T11:32:00.001-06:00

I found this Lifehacker bit pretty interesting. (Especially since 2 of the 3 bullet point examples apply to me right now.) I'll let the article do the talking:

Success Secret

Puuuuusshhh!

2008-08-15T21:44:00.004-06:00

So far, so good on the 100 Pushups program. Tonight was the end of week 2. Here's my nerdy spreadsheet that I'm tracking on:

(I know it's kind of small/hard to see, so basically for the 6 days of doing it so far, here have been my totals: 58, 56, 73, 62, 75, 82)

The 100 Pushups Website says at the end of Week 2, you do another exhaustion test, where you do as many as you can in one set. It doesn't say when, and since I'm spent from just having done my Day 3 set, I'm going to do the test tomorrow, and hope I'm ok to start Week 3 on Monday.

How are my workout buddies doing? (Maybe only 1 buddy)