Wednesday, July 8, 2009

To Epiphany, or Not To Epiphany?

Ok, epiphany isn't actually a verb (but wouldn't it be cool if it was?).
I just liked the sound of the phrase as a couple more epiphanies have hit me recently. Though, perhaps I should stop throwing "epiphany" around so much...seems to lessen it's significance as a special event if I have one almost every week; but then again, maybe I'm just in a great season of growth.

As to whether I want more of these "revelations" or not, a new twist has been added. 99% of the time, it seems that when I have one of these experiences, it is very positive, affirming, full of hope and joy in the newly-gained knowledge and wisdom. The twist is, apparently an epiphany can reveal something dark, sad, evil, painful. Then I am tempted to wish I hadn't had the epiphany!

Which brings me to another touchy subject (for me, at least): do I blog about what I've recently realized? Thus far, I have been pretty open about my thoughts/experiences...even vulnerable. But there are a couple of subjects that I've not referenced here...and I'm not sure I want to. To me, that's a sign that these parts of my life are still tightly entwined with pain, fear, and/or shame. Heck, to admit that like I just did is vulnerable in and of itself, but doesn't hold a candle to the can of worms I'm toying with opening.

It's not that I feel threatened by my "followers". To my knowledge, I don't really have "enemies", and only friends and family (maybe 10 people) will even read this. I'm sure that if I start unfolding my heart and subjects that are difficult for me, if anyone were to leave a comment it would be comforting, affirming, encouraging, etc...even if some "tough love" type critique was thrown in, that'd be ok since it would be out of love.

Yet once the can of worms is open, and the cat is out of the bag, and the bus has left the station, can't undo it. Am I worried that people's view of me will be radically altered? Is there a limit to how much I should share in this "public diary"? (I'm not talking graphic, inappropriate stuff, just personal stuff) Perhaps it would be even more progress into my "journey" to rip off the bandaid and allow the discussion and healing begin.

So, this is a work-in-progress as I continue to digest and think about it. If you have thoughts/comments, I'd love to hear them.