Righteousness (Follow-up)

So this morning I came across this verse in Romans 8:10
"10But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness."

...and decided to pursue this line of thought after my questions yesterday about whether my prayers will amount to anything, or whether I am righteous "enough".

Silly, of course not! I, me, Josh is not righteous. But Christ is, and His spirit is in me. That's why when God looks on me He doesn't see sin and unfaithfulness, but rather He sees Christ.

But I have a responsibility to "wear" the righteousness:
Ephesians 6:10-18 describes putting on the armor of God, including the breastplate of righteousness.

2 Timothy 22 says we must "pursue righteousness"

So it's not something that just "happens", but rather something that requires me to be intentional about.

Baby steps....

Righteous vs. Wicked

I read some of Proverbs today, and reflecting on the contrasts it provides.
Primarily: Fool vs. wise man and Righteous vs. Wicked.

As I read through the descriptions of the "wicked" man, I feel fairly confident that that's not me! But does that mean since I'm not "wicked" therefore I am "righteous"? Is it one or the other? Can we be both? Is there somewhere in between.

This year I have been trying to focus on prayer. What is it? How do I do it? Is it effective? etc... A challenging thought for me has been found in James 5:16 - "The prayers of a righteous man accomplishes much" (other versions..."are powerful and effective")

I know that during our time on Earth, we never will "arrive" at completeness spiritually, but I feel like I've barely begun the journey, and question whether I am righteous (ever), whether my prayers are effective. Ironically, I know that they are, as I've clearly seen God's hand guiding my life, and have received answers to prayer, and have grown in my faith.

James 1:5-8 speaks to this as well:
5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

I admit that I sometimes buy into the lie and gnawing doubts. I hear the voice in my head "Maybe I shouldn't even bother praying. I'm not sure it's effective, and since I have doubts, that passage in James says nothing will happen because I'm double-minded."

I've been encouraged though by the men's leadership team at church to remember that I cannot improve myself. I cannot pull myself up by my own boot straps, and just get more faith. I have to ask God for that. Which means I have to pray.

So despite the lying whispers, the fears of failure, the foolish thinking of "Is my faith enough?", I am trying to persist in prayer.
God, enlarge my faith. Give me eyes to hear, and ears to hear what you would have me know of you.

Family Friday

Friday started out a little odd, but ended better.
At work, we usually have "Fellowship Friday" where we have lunch together. Yesterday, they had decided to just get ice cream cake for dessert. Cool. So I go out and get some lunch, walk into the HR area, and there's everyone eating lunch!...catered from Golden Corral. Oops, no one told me the plan change.

No worries though, I was content with the food I had, and still got some ice cream cake. The rest of the afternoon, work was off-an-on, busy-wise. It was going real slow for a couple hours until I got tasked with a bit of an overhaul project. No problem, I'm good at those, and was feeling a bit bored/restless. But once I'm mid-way through the project - boxes and files strewn all over the place - I get the word that we can go home early. I scramble to get stuff squared away and stowed away, but am definitely the last to leave.

Now, I'm not complaining...I'm observing: I don't think it's coincidence. When I was at WCHS, I was nearly always the last to leave, and often the only teacher working on evenings and weekends. Any time I've done a mission trip or volunteer-type activity, I've often found myself to be one of the last to "knock off". Even now with the sound job at church, I'm supposed to be the one to arm the alarm and lock up after rehearsals, so I'm again the last to leave.

What's weird is that I'm often self-conscious about how lazy I am. In my day I've spent many a weekend firmly planted on a couch playing video games or reading. But then sometimes it seems that I really work my tail off. So maybe I'm just all-on or all-off.

Jeez, did I digress or what!

Anywho, I still got home earlier and Wendy decided we could go out to eat. We went to Rockbottom (my first time). Afterwards, we walked over to the Summer Jam Sessions that were going on. Guess they're doing free music and vendor booths, etc. on Friday nights during the summer. We got some free/discounted stuff, but my favorite part was the two conversations I got to have.

First with Jon Elsberry from church, who I've had a few one-on-one talks about prayer, faith, etc. I really enjoy our conversations and am always encouraged to press on in my personal walk with God after a few minutes with him.

Second, I got to meet and chat with Wendy LaBree. She's a co-host for the morning show on KVOR 740 AM - the local conservative talk radio station. She sounds fun and nice on the air, and is even more so in person! She was a bit enamored with Cosette (duh - who isn't). She even gave a little eagle sculpture to Cosette, and gave us passes to the El Paso County Fair, so we'll probably hit that next weekend.

She also mentioned that they've been hiring a lot, and are still looking for people. That'd be cool to work at a radio station! Here's a picture of us Wendy took with my phone:

Thank God! (Literally)

So there are basically 3 radio stations that I listen to:
1. KVOR (talk radio) - 80% of the time
2. KBIQ (Christian) - 15%
3. KCME (classical) - 5%

On my drive this morning, all three were on commercial breaks and I had a little ADD going, so I flipped to the local pop/rock station 99.9 (not sure what the call letters are) and it sounded like it might be some fun morning-jock tom-foolery. I think the hosts are John J, Rich, and Kerry...or something.

It turned out to be a bit of Jerry Springer-ish soap opera tom-foolery, but I'll admit I got a bit sucked in and left it on. (But it's ok, I'm extrapolating an important point at the end!)
A woman named Lisa was having them help find out if her husband was cheating. They had the host (Kerry) call the guy (Isaac) and say he won a dozen roses, who would he like to send them to? He started to tell her to write a note "Can't stop thinking about you" to some girl in his office, and his wife (Lisa) on the line jumped in saying, "What are you doing, Isaac? Why...?" *sobbing*

Busted. Another 10-15 minutes of "discussion" ensued between the husband, wife, radio hosts, and random people calling in...it was ugly.

My reaction (beyond the somewhat-entertained, similar to slowing down to check out a car accident) was the usual mixture of shaking my head "I don't get it" fare. When other people make horrible decisions that ruin their lives, it's easy to shake our heads and not understand how they couldn't see the danger/error.

I think about how lost people are without the big missing puzzle piece in their life: Christ. What kind of husband/father would I be if I hadn't made Christ the center pillar of my marriage? I have enough temptations/sins/failures as it is...I shudder to think how my life would be going apart from Christ.

I'm truly amazed when I hear of a decades-long, love-filled marriage of non-Christians. I know this may sound a bit over-simplified, but if you don't base a marriage on Christ, you're basing it on the person you are and the person you love, right? But how can a love established on sinful/flawed people result in anything but hurt, disappointment, bitterness, infidelity, etc?

So my extrapolation is this: thank the Lord for His love and mercy that have changed (and continue to change) my heart so that I can be a person who loves more than I would otherwise be capable. I'm grateful that Wendy and I have had almost 8 years of a wonderful marriage in which we are in this triune relationship that is stronger than if it was just the two of us.

To Epiphany, or Not To Epiphany?

Ok, epiphany isn't actually a verb (but wouldn't it be cool if it was?).
I just liked the sound of the phrase as a couple more epiphanies have hit me recently. Though, perhaps I should stop throwing "epiphany" around so much...seems to lessen it's significance as a special event if I have one almost every week; but then again, maybe I'm just in a great season of growth.

As to whether I want more of these "revelations" or not, a new twist has been added. 99% of the time, it seems that when I have one of these experiences, it is very positive, affirming, full of hope and joy in the newly-gained knowledge and wisdom. The twist is, apparently an epiphany can reveal something dark, sad, evil, painful. Then I am tempted to wish I hadn't had the epiphany!

Which brings me to another touchy subject (for me, at least): do I blog about what I've recently realized? Thus far, I have been pretty open about my thoughts/experiences...even vulnerable. But there are a couple of subjects that I've not referenced here...and I'm not sure I want to. To me, that's a sign that these parts of my life are still tightly entwined with pain, fear, and/or shame. Heck, to admit that like I just did is vulnerable in and of itself, but doesn't hold a candle to the can of worms I'm toying with opening.

It's not that I feel threatened by my "followers". To my knowledge, I don't really have "enemies", and only friends and family (maybe 10 people) will even read this. I'm sure that if I start unfolding my heart and subjects that are difficult for me, if anyone were to leave a comment it would be comforting, affirming, encouraging, etc...even if some "tough love" type critique was thrown in, that'd be ok since it would be out of love.

Yet once the can of worms is open, and the cat is out of the bag, and the bus has left the station, etc...you can't undo it. Am I worried that people's view of me will be radically altered? Is there a limit to how much I should share in this "public diary"? (I'm not talking graphic, inappropriate stuff, just personal stuff) Perhaps it would be even more progress into my "journey" to rip off the bandaid and allow the discussion and healing begin.

So, this is a work-in-progress as I continue to digest and think about it. If you have thoughts/comments, I'd love to hear them.

Good Friday

No...not THAT Good Friday, silly...

Today was a good day. Shall I regale you with my tale? Well, since you said please...

It started off (as most mornings do) with waking up; but the beauty of it was that I felt rested! I was in a wedding yesterday. (Groomsman for one of my accountability partners) and had a looong day - in the middle of a looong week - not getting home until about 11pm. I was a bit worried that I would be too tired for my interview, but was very grateful that God gave me the rest I needed.

Good Day Item #2: our company had the quarterly social/fun event: combat mini-golf. There were a few special rules for hitting opponents' balls, putting with your off-hand, etc. that helped your score - and I won! Admittedly, my competitive edge was simmering under the just-having-fun exterior. =) Couple with more golf experience than a majority of the others, I suppose I shouldn't brag too much about out-putting everyone else, but still, I had fun and won some cool foodstuffs from Alaska.

After the golf, I rushed back to work and quickly changed into my interview outfit. I realized that today is the first time I've worn a tie in a long time! I got to the address in plenty of time, to allow myself a few minutes to just sit in my car and get focused mentally, and pray, and psych myself up with positive/confident thoughts. I think while I was driving over I had a bit of nerves, but was pleasantly surprised that as I walked in, the nerves left and I felt very relaxed and at peace. I'm going to credit that to the prayers I know you guys sent up - Thanks!

By the way, the job is for an HR Generalist position at a national health care company. This would be a couple pay grades above what I'm at now - VERY good for us if I get it!

The interview lasted a little over an hour, and consisted mostly of her asking me a lot of questions about my HR experience and knowledge. There were a lot of the "what would you do in this scenario" type questions. As it went on, I found myself gaining even more confidence, and feeling more at ease. It was starting to feel like a good fit. She seemed pleased and - dare I say it - even impressed with my responses. There was even a "tricky" test when she had me read through a couple pages of a certain policy and then role-play with her as an employee needing to be counseled/disciplined for violating it. She said that I did better at that part than any of the other candidates.

After I asked her some questions I had, I ended by asking her if she would mind giving me some feedback as to what kind of feeling she had about me. She said that she really liked my communication skills and that what really "hit home" with her, was how I did on the role-playing test and the good questions I asked. I would be a good fit for this office.

But...

She said she was a little hesitant because I didn't have much "hands-on" experience. Meaning that because the majority of certain HR functions (approving FMLA, having the 1-on-1 counseling conversation, recruiting, etc.) I've handled the back-end, paperwork processing, rather than being the initial POC. So that puts me at a slight disadvantage there.

She said she will be making a recommendation to her boss, who will then do a final, phone interview (because he's out of state) by July 6. I'm hoping that I can use that opportunity to try and explain how that "disadvantage" isn't so bad, because I'm very confident that I can handle it; maybe even making the connection that I spent 4 years counseling, mentoring, and disciplining (sometimes in very difficult, tense situations) as a high school teacher.

At any rate, I walked out of the office, head held high (despite the light rain), feeling very good and smiling. I felt fulfilled, in that I knew I had the best interview I could have had, and was proud of how I handled myself. I also had a real sense that God (and many family/friends) were thinking of me at the time and I can only assume He gave me the peace, confidence, and words to say.

To end the day, we got a yummy Costco pizza, my brother came over to hang out, and he and I went to the pool/jacuzzi with my boy. My biggest smile of the day came when I stepped into the pool and held my hands out to help Connor in, and he randomly says: "You're the greatest!"
=)

Thanks, Satan, for clues to knowing God!!

We all like to be on the winning team, right? I remember in grade school, when the lunch-time kickball game was getting started, I always hoped to get on David's team, cause he was really good and his team almost always won.

So when I'm reminded of the victory we get to share in with God, I feel strengthened and encouraged by that....and - I admit - I want to rub it in Ol' Scratch's face a bit. Today, Satan tried some of his old tricks to lead me away from God, that actually led to me gaining a deeper knowledge of Him, and connecting with my wife spiritually in a way I don't think I ever have before. (Oops! Not the plan, eh you old snake-in-the-grass?)

I woke up kind of early (about 2.5 hours before we had to leave for church) and puttered around on the computer, made breakfast, took care of the kids, etc. By the time Wendy was up and getting ready, I was starting to feel like not going to church. Back to bed? Do some reading? Play on computer? Etc....

But, Wendy and the kids were almost ready, so I got dressed and didn't feel rushed to get there on time. In fact, we were a bit late (walking in during first worship song), and I also decided to use the restroom, so I'm coming in toward the end of the 2nd song - not feeling like singing/worshipping one iota. Also leading into this time, there were a couple moments during the morning of tension/arguing between me and the wife, so I had a burr in my saddle as well.

Almost flippantly (but sincere enough) I told God in my heart, "I got nothin'. I don't feel like worshiping or praising you or talking to you or any of that kind of stuff. So if something's gonna happen this morning, I need you to do something to my heart. Soften it, break it, wake it up - something."

Well, I guess He did. Through focusing on a couple lines of lyrics, and through a very moving story told by the worship leader about some personal stuff with him, I started to "get there." And then the sermon about (surprise, surprise) fatherhood hit home too. And then the pastor encouraged/challenged us to take communion with our wife/family - especially if we've never done that before. (And I never had...)

Suffice it to say that it was a very emotional and intense experience for me. I prayed with Wendy as we knelt at the altar, racked with sobs, amazed by God's love, impassioned by His Spirit.

And my eyes were opened....I remembered several other moments like this. Spiritual milestones in which something significant happened in my walk with God; and they all shared one common denominator = I didn't want to go to church/chapel/devotions/mission trip that day.

Duh! Right? He may not be omniscient, but Satan is a cunning, smart, thinking-1,000's-of-moves-ahead opponent. He can see where it's leading when you are walking into an opportunity for something special to happen in your relationship with God. And he's going to try damn hard to make sure it doesn't happen!

So my conclusion is this: every time I have a plan or schedule to meet with God - be it church on Sunday, accountability group, Bible study, etc. - and I start feeling like I don't want to go, or external circumstances start making it difficult = that's as sure a sign as fireworks and sirens that the Enemy is trying to stop me from experiencing something miraculous with God.

Therefore, I look forward to the next time Mr. Mephisto tries to pummel me or block me or weigh my heart down. I can smile, rub my hands together, and say "Oh boy...I can't wait to see what God has in store today!" (Game, set, match - God wins)

James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.