Confession & Purpose

I'm just now finding (making) time to write down some of my thoughts from Sunday. Naturally, the profundity of what I was thinking two and a half days ago has dissipated somewhat and I won't be able to provide specifics as well, but....hopefully some of the significance will come through.

(Mental note to self: try to cut down on the preamble!)

Sunday's sermon and worship hit me pretty hard. Epiphanies. Conviction. Gratitude. Peace. Spiritual battle. Faith. I don't know if I could fully and accurately describe the full gamut of emotions and thoughts and reactions I experienced Sunday morning. But two things in particular stood out:

1. Pastor Kelly mentioned a concept during his sermon that I've heard of for years, and understood (head knowledge): confession. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." Kelly emphasized the fact that we get that we need to acknowledge sin to God and repent. Yet we are eager to skip the awkward/humbling experience of confessing those sins to other people.

I felt convicted of this, and during the communion time, there are elders and church staff available for speaking/praying with. I immediately went and shared with one of the guys. As soon as he finished praying for me, I felt compelled to confess not just to the guy I did (Scott - awesome dude), but also to my wife. (Especially since the sin I was confessing affects her). GULP. Boy, did I sense a lot of resistance with that.

Fortunately, despite the temptation to chicken out, and the fact that Wendy had a migraine and didn't feel like talking, I engaged and we ended up talking for 3-4 hours and our relationship is stronger/closer, as well as the knowledge that I had been obedient in doing as the Lord had asked of me.

2. Now that it's a couple days later, oddly enough I can't remember the songs that triggered a new revelation for me during worship, but the gist is this: some of the lyrics said something to the effect that "I was made to worship" and "You deserve praise" and things along that line.

Though the Bible says to be anxious for nothing, I've often struggled with a sense of anxiety and angst over the very common questions everyone has: What is the meaning/purpose of my life? What did God put me here for? How will I impact the world? What is my calling?

Sunday I found a greater measure of peace and answer to these questions, even though my life philosophy has been based on this concept: We were made to worship. The purpose of our lives is to glorify God. Period. Done. That's it. How freeing it is to think of THAT as my purpose, rather than....Should I work as a band director, or in human resources for the rest of my life? What kind of career path (with increasing monetary compensation) should I be shooting for? Should we live in CA or CO? I'm not leading anything right now, and as I leader-type person, that's wrong, right? How many kids should we have? Et cetera, et cetera...

As long as I'm doing whatever I'm doing (and wherever I'm doing it) to please God, bringing Him glory and honor....the details are irrelevant.

Sorry so long again...I'll just bask in the catharsis even though I know a few people will see a long post and skip it.

Focus

Wow. Today I was incredibly focused. I felt like I got more done at work than I had hoped/planned to. Maybe it's because I stayed home on Friday while Wendy slept off the flu, but I felt like I had to make up for lost time. Maybe it's the Type-A nerd in me, but there's something satisfying about having a stack of files and paperwork in the morning that's magically gone by the time you leave!

Speaking of Focus, I'm going to need it, and discipline, over the next couple of months, as I realized this week that I will be doing regular reading out of three books.

1. Way of the Wild Heart, John Eldridge - going through this with the 3 other guys in my accountability group. It's awesome, because all of us have sons, and the book is about the process of masculinity for ourselves, and to train our sons.

2. Heart of the Artist, Rory Noland - our worship team (which includes those onstage, and off) meets on the 2nd Sunday of each month at Fike's house (our worship pastor). Last year we went through Exploring Worship...and are continuing being intentional about looking at what worship is, and what our roles are in the Church.

3. Real Marriage, Kelly & Tosha Williams - our pastor and his wife wrote this book over the last 3 years, and just had it published a month ago; and now we're attending the 12-week class they're leading based on their book. Holy cow...we're in for a ride. Kind of like Viper at Magic Mountain: a bit scary, can make your stomach turn on the really bad twists, but when it's over you realize how much fun and exciting it was!

New Goal/Resolution

Pastor Kelly's message got me thinking...about how we (I) encourage and affirm others. And I've come to the realization that I talk about people, more than I talk to people. I think I do this most often with my wife, but also my kids and friends as well.

I'll tell someone how I see Wendy growing in knowledge of God and maturity, but I don't think I've ever explicitly said that to her face. I brag to friends/family/strangers about something Connor said or did that I'm proud of....but did I tell him I was proud of him for that? I want to try and build people up to their face more often.

Other challenges pastor Kelly has given us, that I still need to do:
1. Think of the top 10 people in your life you are thankful for...and tell them that you are thankful for them.

2. List the top 10 things you are thankful for someone...and tell them, either in person or in writing. The challenging part is to pick someone who has hurt you or is ungrateful to you for something(s) you've done for them. Bless and affirm them.
Kelly: "That's hard. But if you can do that, it will make you an extraordinary leader."

Good Morning

Just saying "Good morning" and checking in. I'm running sound this morning, and have a little time to kill before things get swinging.

Also, so far, so good on the Bible-reading plan. 18 days in a row! I'm pretty sure that's is better than any record I held in 2008. It's funny because yesterday I was reading the part where God is deciding to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, and the selection for Jan. 17 ended sooner than I expected and I had that lovely feeling of "wanting more" that I don't always get with reading scripture.

Dragons in the Bible

Obviously, the greater Story of Christ and God's plan of redemption for us is the point of the Bible. And there are innumerable instances of practical life application stuff as well as wisdom of who God is, etc.

BUT....maybe it's because I'm a guy who's into action/fantasy/sci-fi.....there are some parts of the Bible that make my heart rate increase and make me smile and daydream. Eg: Epic battle scenes, blow-your-hair-back miracles, and those unexplained mysteries that we won't get answers to until we get to Heaven.

Today, my read through the Bible chronological study had me finishing the last couple chapters of Job. I've read through Job several times before; even did an in-depth study with some fellow men a couple years ago....but Chapter 41 never fails to incite excitement and clamoring for "More!" from me. God is describing the "Leviathan". I've heard it said before that this might have been referring to: whale, crocodile/alligator, hippopotamus, even dinosaur. But my mind hasn't been able to accept those explanations....only one description seems to fit: Dragon. Seriously! C'mon....

18 His sneezings flash forth light,
and his eyes are like the eyelids of the dawn.
19 Out of his mouth go flaming torches;
sparks of fire leap forth.
20 Out of his nostrils comes forth smoke,
as from a boiling pot and burning rushes.
21 His breath kindles coals,
and a flame comes forth from his mouth.

Has a hippo or crocodile ever shot fire from their mouth? I won't post excerpts of the entire chapter here, but there are many more example of dragon-type descriptions. The only metaphoric possibility could be that God is describing a physical manifestation of Satan. The Message adds a line that isn't in any other version (and therefore, questionable to my mind) that says "Even angels run for cover when he surfaces" Huh?

Anyways, I challenge you to read it and imagine what kind of creature this could be, if not a dragon. RRRRRAAAAAWWWRRRR!!!!!!

Precious

This morning as I was putting on my jacket and grabbing my keys, I heard a soft whimper. Cosette had a sad look on her face and locked on me with those big, beautiful, baby blues.

Me: Oh, baby, I gotta go to work. I'm sorry!
Cosette: Hug
Me: You want a hug?
Cosette: And a kiss
*Gives me an extra long, tight-squeeze hug, and very sweet kiss (with eyes closed even!)
Then she smiles a little, although some sadness remains. I move to the door, and......

Connor: Have a good day!!
Me: *All Smiles*

Rennovation

One, I know that the white text on black background was hard to read. (Even though I'm sure most people are using RSS Feeds now, but still...)

Two, I've been diving deeper in my posts, and wanted something a little more representative of what I'm posting. So, I wanted to replace the goofy laugh-at-the-sky photo. Psalm 16:11 (banner photo) is very apropos for my "Road To Valinor" theme, and I like it.

I also had a little fun making the photo. Check out this neat, free little webapp: Tiltshiftmaker. Basically, you upload a photo, and then it adds a blur effect to make your "focus" pop out more. Here is an example of a before/after attempt I did. These are the houseboats we stayed on for the senior trip to Lake Mohave I chaperoned with WCHS. Notice how the tiltshift one makes the boats looks like models or toys?