Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Confession & Purpose

I'm just now finding (making) time to write down some of my thoughts from Sunday. Naturally, the profundity of what I was thinking two and a half days ago has dissipated somewhat and I won't be able to provide specifics as well, but....hopefully some of the significance will come through.

(Mental note to self: try to cut down on the preamble!)

Sunday's sermon and worship hit me pretty hard. Epiphanies. Conviction. Gratitude. Peace. Spiritual battle. Faith. I don't know if I could fully and accurately describe the full gamut of emotions and thoughts and reactions I experienced Sunday morning. But two things in particular stood out:

1. Pastor Kelly mentioned a concept during his sermon that I've heard of for years, and understood (head knowledge): confession. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." Kelly emphasized the fact that we get that we need to acknowledge sin to God and repent. Yet we are eager to skip the awkward/humbling experience of confessing those sins to other people.

I felt convicted of this, and during the communion time, there are elders and church staff available for speaking/praying with. I immediately went and shared with one of the guys. As soon as he finished praying for me, I felt compelled to confess not just to the guy I did (Scott - awesome dude), but also to my wife. (Especially since the sin I was confessing affects her). GULP. Boy, did I sense a lot of resistance with that.

Fortunately, despite the temptation to chicken out, and the fact that Wendy had a migraine and didn't feel like talking, I engaged and we ended up talking for 3-4 hours and our relationship is stronger/closer, as well as the knowledge that I had been obedient in doing as the Lord had asked of me.

2. Now that it's a couple days later, oddly enough I can't remember the songs that triggered a new revelation for me during worship, but the gist is this: some of the lyrics said something to the effect that "I was made to worship" and "You deserve praise" and things along that line.

Though the Bible says to be anxious for nothing, I've often struggled with a sense of anxiety and angst over the very common questions everyone has: What is the meaning/purpose of my life? What did God put me here for? How will I impact the world? What is my calling?

Sunday I found a greater measure of peace and answer to these questions, even though my life philosophy has been based on this concept: We were made to worship. The purpose of our lives is to glorify God. Period. Done. That's it. How freeing it is to think of THAT as my purpose, rather than....Should I work as a band director, or in human resources for the rest of my life? What kind of career path (with increasing monetary compensation) should I be shooting for? Should we live in CA or CO? I'm not leading anything right now, and as I leader-type person, that's wrong, right? How many kids should we have? Et cetera, et cetera...

As long as I'm doing whatever I'm doing (and wherever I'm doing it) to please God, bringing Him glory and honor....the details are irrelevant.

Sorry so long again...I'll just bask in the catharsis even though I know a few people will see a long post and skip it.